Voice Dialogue Tips
December 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Participant
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. Health and Supersonalities Part 2 - For this month's Voice Dialogue Tips, we have the second of two new videos, in which Hal & Sidra share some fascinating insights about the Influence of Subpersonalities on Health. Here is the link http://www.bodymindinformation.com/health2-video.htm
Feel free to let me know what you think by emailing me at jcoroneos@bigpond.com
2. The Voice Dialogue DVD/CD Series - For delivery of your set before Xmas and the Holiday season, order immediately . Do you have any friends who may like the series as a gift? Visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com
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Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
13 December 2009
Simon's Reflections
: Today’s Reflection is about the concept of “Accepting the Offer” which
: comes from the world of improv theatre. But not only from there.
There is always a reason for people to get the dogs they get. Perhaps other pets as well, though I would not know much about it. I do, however, know that it is absolutely true about dogs. We, so-called “dog owners,” get the absolutely perfect dog for us, whether to mirror something back to us, to teach us a lesson, or any other metaphysical reason. The Universe, it seems, is not without a sense of irony or humour.
When Tobi was a puppy, I was learning a lot about the reasons I was chosen for him. One day, in his early puppyhood years, a friend took him for a walk. When she came back, she said, “You know, Tobi is just like you.”
“Yes, I know.” Was my reply. “But what is it this time?”
“Well,” she said, “When you ask or tell him to do something, he will sit there, think about it for a while, and eventually will do it – completely in his own way.”
I knew that this is where she was totally wrong. At least, Tobi will eventually do it.
:: “Every time man makes a new experiment he always learns more.
:: He cannot learn less.” - Buckminster Fuller
Accepting the offer means opening up to receiving. It means not blocking the flow of whatever is happening in the moment. It means taking what comes your way with a Yes, and finding ways to build upon it. Yes it comes from the world of improv theatre and performing arts in general. Perhaps to get a sense of what it looks like in the improv world, check out “3 For ALL” on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3wRYqVK4mM). Accepting the offer, taking it in, and doing something with it to forward the energy and the flow of the moment creates a very different experience. Much like in life, everything remains in constant motion.
Yet, the world of performing arts is not the only playground for accepting the offer. They are everywhere around us, daily, crossing our path and checking our awareness, openness, and courage to notice, accept, and say Yes.
When the first Western anthropologists “discovered” the Shaolin temple (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaolin_Temple), they were baffled. “How could these Buddhist monks, who are all about peace and kindness, be at the same time such incredible lethal killers?” the anthropologists thought. What they didn’t understand is that in the monk’s particular philosophy, everything that is given to them is a gift – and they have the right to accept or return it. So when a blow or a kick was delivered to them by their opponent, it was interpreted as “Thank you for the offer. I don’t think it belongs to me, so here it is back.”
:: “Did you tackle the trouble
:: that came your way
:: With a resolute heart and
:: cheerful?
:: Or hide your face from
:: the light of day
:: With a craven soul and fearful?
:: Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or
:: a trouble’s an ounce,
:: Or a trouble is what you make it.
:: And it isn’t the fact that you
:: hurt that counts,
:: But only how did you take it?”
:: -Edmund Vance Cooke
One of Tobi’s strongest gifts is that of welcoming and accepting strangers. I can only think of one situation where that was not the case; otherwise, he is always friendly, welcoming, and wagging to every person he comes across. Me, I am still learning this lesson, and have a way to go...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
: comes from the world of improv theatre. But not only from there.
There is always a reason for people to get the dogs they get. Perhaps other pets as well, though I would not know much about it. I do, however, know that it is absolutely true about dogs. We, so-called “dog owners,” get the absolutely perfect dog for us, whether to mirror something back to us, to teach us a lesson, or any other metaphysical reason. The Universe, it seems, is not without a sense of irony or humour.
When Tobi was a puppy, I was learning a lot about the reasons I was chosen for him. One day, in his early puppyhood years, a friend took him for a walk. When she came back, she said, “You know, Tobi is just like you.”
“Yes, I know.” Was my reply. “But what is it this time?”
“Well,” she said, “When you ask or tell him to do something, he will sit there, think about it for a while, and eventually will do it – completely in his own way.”
I knew that this is where she was totally wrong. At least, Tobi will eventually do it.
:: “Every time man makes a new experiment he always learns more.
:: He cannot learn less.” - Buckminster Fuller
Accepting the offer means opening up to receiving. It means not blocking the flow of whatever is happening in the moment. It means taking what comes your way with a Yes, and finding ways to build upon it. Yes it comes from the world of improv theatre and performing arts in general. Perhaps to get a sense of what it looks like in the improv world, check out “3 For ALL” on YouTube (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O3wRYqVK4mM). Accepting the offer, taking it in, and doing something with it to forward the energy and the flow of the moment creates a very different experience. Much like in life, everything remains in constant motion.
Yet, the world of performing arts is not the only playground for accepting the offer. They are everywhere around us, daily, crossing our path and checking our awareness, openness, and courage to notice, accept, and say Yes.
When the first Western anthropologists “discovered” the Shaolin temple (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shaolin_Temple), they were baffled. “How could these Buddhist monks, who are all about peace and kindness, be at the same time such incredible lethal killers?” the anthropologists thought. What they didn’t understand is that in the monk’s particular philosophy, everything that is given to them is a gift – and they have the right to accept or return it. So when a blow or a kick was delivered to them by their opponent, it was interpreted as “Thank you for the offer. I don’t think it belongs to me, so here it is back.”
:: “Did you tackle the trouble
:: that came your way
:: With a resolute heart and
:: cheerful?
:: Or hide your face from
:: the light of day
:: With a craven soul and fearful?
:: Oh, a trouble’s a ton, or
:: a trouble’s an ounce,
:: Or a trouble is what you make it.
:: And it isn’t the fact that you
:: hurt that counts,
:: But only how did you take it?”
:: -Edmund Vance Cooke
One of Tobi’s strongest gifts is that of welcoming and accepting strangers. I can only think of one situation where that was not the case; otherwise, he is always friendly, welcoming, and wagging to every person he comes across. Me, I am still learning this lesson, and have a way to go...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
23 September 2009
Voice Dialogue Tips
Voice Dialogue Tips
September 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Viewer,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month is the final part in our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines " Challenge 10: Maintaining a “Perfect” Relationship
2. Good News: The New 90 minute Cinema Film by Michael Rowland and Dr John Coroneos, ‘Being in Heaven' , about Awakening More of the Natural Power of Your Mind and Accessing Higher States of Consciousness
Only one week to release! Come to the launch and party in Byron Bay, Australia!
The launch is at the Dendy Cinema, Byron Bay, Australia at 4.00 pm, Sunday the 27th of September. All Welcome, but first come first served.
Tickets on sale now at The Dendy, Byron Bay Cinema, or phone 02 6680 8555.
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 10: Maintaining a “Perfect” Relationship
Sometimes we work too hard to keep everything in our relationships perfect. We try to see eye-to-eye with our partners on all matters, we are impeccably empathic and understanding of one another, there are no problems, everything is wonderful, we are always linked energetically, we are indeed blessed, and we do everything together all the time. We put all of our energies into keeping the partnership trouble free and do our best to ignore any feelings of discomfort. The rule we hold in our minds is something like “in a really good relationship, everything runs smoothly, both partners always agree with each other, and they never separate but always do everything together.” Unfortunately, when we try to keep the relationship perfect in this way, we actually break the connection between our partners and ourselves because anything that does not work smoothly is ignored and too much gets left out.
Since relationships naturally ebb and flow and life is not always wonderful, perfection is not exactly an attainable objective. As a matter of fact, if this goal is attained and there is never any friction, we might suspect that something is being overlooked. This does not mean that relationships are always a mass of difficulties. What it does mean is (1) people are different and have different needs, (2) two partners invariably experience some areas of disconnection, disagreement, or misunderstanding, and (3) there is always a need for some separation as well as a need for togetherness.
This is why it is so important to be able to include in the partnering relationship some space for the consideration of what is not working either in the relationship or in your life. If you were running a business and you never looked at what did not work, you might find yourself in deep trouble. For instance, you run a freight service. Everybody knows that you only like good news, so no one tells you that there is a small knocking sound in the refrigerated truck that does your long distance runs. If you knew about it, you could have the problem fixed. But you do not find out about it because nobody wants to bring you the bad news and they tell themselves that since it is only a small knocking sound, it is probably not very important. So the truck breaks down in the middle of the desert with a full load of perishable lettuce.
It is the “small knocking sounds” that tell us what could be improved upon, what could grow into a problem, or what needs fixing. We all need time — and permission — to look at what is not working in our lives and in the relationship. In the partnering model of relationship, it is accepted that each partner can, and will, bring to the conference table “reports” of what is not currently working. This is not a gripe session any more than a business meeting to review the workings of a business is a gripe session.
What might you bring to the table? You would bring your dissatisfactions with your partner or your life. This might include talking about your attractions to others, attractions that pull you away from the relationship. You might include your fantasies, such as opening a new business, or having another baby, or running away to Fiji. You might talk of your fears about money, work, health, or even about the relationship. You might talk about your discomfort with always being together and express your need for time alone, or for a space in the house that is just yours. All these issues keep us from becoming too complacent or stuck in old patterns that no longer suit us, they all open doors into new thoughts and new possibilities.
We feel that it is important to have time set aside to look at these matters. It is not necessary to be formal about this, after all you are not running a business, but it is important to keep current. Keeping current with dissatisfactions or negative feelings (1) helps us to keep the connection with our partners alive, even if the connection is not pleasant at that very moment, (2) prevents a backlog of complaints from building up, and (3) helps us to deal with matters creatively and quickly. We fix the truck before it breaks down. That is what partners are for.
Each partner notices something different and contributes something unique to the partnership. You may become irritated when your partner gets too preoccupied with work and ignores you. Your partner may become irritated with you because you did not follow up on the business opportunity that presented itself last week. You may be great at noticing when the car needs repairing and your partner may be great at noticing when the bank accounts are getting too low. You can see how partnering as a model for relationship brings us the possibilities of using our full human potential as a powerful team.
Meeting the Challenges
The basic theme in all ten challenges is the underlying challenge to maintain the connection in your primary relationship. Most of the time this connection will be pleasant, but there are times, when you are dealing with unpleasant matters, when it will be a bit uncomfortable.
What must you do on a day-to-day basis to maintain the connection to your partner? First, you must make your relationship — and this connection — a priority. All the challenges mentioned in this chapter have a single common element. Each of them threatens to replace your relationship as a priority.
Second, when you feel uncomfortable with your partner or the relationship, or when you sense your connection weakening, don't ignore your feelings. This is a warning, it is like a fire alarm going off. You may be tempted to think that the alarm is faulty and you may wish to turn if off because you can't bear the sound, you don't see any smoke, and you're too busy to go looking for trouble. But pay attention. There is a gift of disowned energy somewhere in this discomfort.
The third, and perhaps the most important, ingredient in the recipe for a healthy, intimate, and loving relationship is time. The best way to meet all the challenges to relationship is to take time for one another and for your partnership. You cannot run a business without giving it proper time and attention, and you cannot expect to have a successful relationship without doing likewise. Take time for meetings, for work, for play, and for passion. Take time to be happy with each other and time to be irritated with each other. Take time to look at what works and makes you feel just great and time to listen to the small knocking sounds in your relationship and your lives that will tell you what doesn't work. Take time to enjoy today and time to plan and to dream about tomorrow. Take time to hang out, just to be and not to do anything at all.
Most of all, take time away from the daily distractions and challenges we've been talking about to establish and to keep the delicious energetic linkage between you and your partner. It's a good idea to make regular plans to break your daily routine and get re-acquainted. These breaks can take any form, so be creative.
If partners can keep their linkage, they will keep their relationship. Anything that breaks this linkage can damage the relationship. No matter how sensible, worthwhile, or absolutely necessary the distraction seems to be, it should be handled with great care and not allowed to break the essential connection between partners. It is very easy to ruin even a good relationship. It is also very easy, once we know about linkage, to preserve a good relationship and to make it even better. So go for the linkage, and good luck!
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
September 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Viewer,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month is the final part in our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines " Challenge 10: Maintaining a “Perfect” Relationship
2. Good News: The New 90 minute Cinema Film by Michael Rowland and Dr John Coroneos, ‘Being in Heaven' , about Awakening More of the Natural Power of Your Mind and Accessing Higher States of Consciousness
Only one week to release! Come to the launch and party in Byron Bay, Australia!
The launch is at the Dendy Cinema, Byron Bay, Australia at 4.00 pm, Sunday the 27th of September. All Welcome, but first come first served.
Tickets on sale now at The Dendy, Byron Bay Cinema, or phone 02 6680 8555.
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 10: Maintaining a “Perfect” Relationship
Sometimes we work too hard to keep everything in our relationships perfect. We try to see eye-to-eye with our partners on all matters, we are impeccably empathic and understanding of one another, there are no problems, everything is wonderful, we are always linked energetically, we are indeed blessed, and we do everything together all the time. We put all of our energies into keeping the partnership trouble free and do our best to ignore any feelings of discomfort. The rule we hold in our minds is something like “in a really good relationship, everything runs smoothly, both partners always agree with each other, and they never separate but always do everything together.” Unfortunately, when we try to keep the relationship perfect in this way, we actually break the connection between our partners and ourselves because anything that does not work smoothly is ignored and too much gets left out.
Since relationships naturally ebb and flow and life is not always wonderful, perfection is not exactly an attainable objective. As a matter of fact, if this goal is attained and there is never any friction, we might suspect that something is being overlooked. This does not mean that relationships are always a mass of difficulties. What it does mean is (1) people are different and have different needs, (2) two partners invariably experience some areas of disconnection, disagreement, or misunderstanding, and (3) there is always a need for some separation as well as a need for togetherness.
This is why it is so important to be able to include in the partnering relationship some space for the consideration of what is not working either in the relationship or in your life. If you were running a business and you never looked at what did not work, you might find yourself in deep trouble. For instance, you run a freight service. Everybody knows that you only like good news, so no one tells you that there is a small knocking sound in the refrigerated truck that does your long distance runs. If you knew about it, you could have the problem fixed. But you do not find out about it because nobody wants to bring you the bad news and they tell themselves that since it is only a small knocking sound, it is probably not very important. So the truck breaks down in the middle of the desert with a full load of perishable lettuce.
It is the “small knocking sounds” that tell us what could be improved upon, what could grow into a problem, or what needs fixing. We all need time — and permission — to look at what is not working in our lives and in the relationship. In the partnering model of relationship, it is accepted that each partner can, and will, bring to the conference table “reports” of what is not currently working. This is not a gripe session any more than a business meeting to review the workings of a business is a gripe session.
What might you bring to the table? You would bring your dissatisfactions with your partner or your life. This might include talking about your attractions to others, attractions that pull you away from the relationship. You might include your fantasies, such as opening a new business, or having another baby, or running away to Fiji. You might talk of your fears about money, work, health, or even about the relationship. You might talk about your discomfort with always being together and express your need for time alone, or for a space in the house that is just yours. All these issues keep us from becoming too complacent or stuck in old patterns that no longer suit us, they all open doors into new thoughts and new possibilities.
We feel that it is important to have time set aside to look at these matters. It is not necessary to be formal about this, after all you are not running a business, but it is important to keep current. Keeping current with dissatisfactions or negative feelings (1) helps us to keep the connection with our partners alive, even if the connection is not pleasant at that very moment, (2) prevents a backlog of complaints from building up, and (3) helps us to deal with matters creatively and quickly. We fix the truck before it breaks down. That is what partners are for.
Each partner notices something different and contributes something unique to the partnership. You may become irritated when your partner gets too preoccupied with work and ignores you. Your partner may become irritated with you because you did not follow up on the business opportunity that presented itself last week. You may be great at noticing when the car needs repairing and your partner may be great at noticing when the bank accounts are getting too low. You can see how partnering as a model for relationship brings us the possibilities of using our full human potential as a powerful team.
Meeting the Challenges
The basic theme in all ten challenges is the underlying challenge to maintain the connection in your primary relationship. Most of the time this connection will be pleasant, but there are times, when you are dealing with unpleasant matters, when it will be a bit uncomfortable.
What must you do on a day-to-day basis to maintain the connection to your partner? First, you must make your relationship — and this connection — a priority. All the challenges mentioned in this chapter have a single common element. Each of them threatens to replace your relationship as a priority.
Second, when you feel uncomfortable with your partner or the relationship, or when you sense your connection weakening, don't ignore your feelings. This is a warning, it is like a fire alarm going off. You may be tempted to think that the alarm is faulty and you may wish to turn if off because you can't bear the sound, you don't see any smoke, and you're too busy to go looking for trouble. But pay attention. There is a gift of disowned energy somewhere in this discomfort.
The third, and perhaps the most important, ingredient in the recipe for a healthy, intimate, and loving relationship is time. The best way to meet all the challenges to relationship is to take time for one another and for your partnership. You cannot run a business without giving it proper time and attention, and you cannot expect to have a successful relationship without doing likewise. Take time for meetings, for work, for play, and for passion. Take time to be happy with each other and time to be irritated with each other. Take time to look at what works and makes you feel just great and time to listen to the small knocking sounds in your relationship and your lives that will tell you what doesn't work. Take time to enjoy today and time to plan and to dream about tomorrow. Take time to hang out, just to be and not to do anything at all.
Most of all, take time away from the daily distractions and challenges we've been talking about to establish and to keep the delicious energetic linkage between you and your partner. It's a good idea to make regular plans to break your daily routine and get re-acquainted. These breaks can take any form, so be creative.
If partners can keep their linkage, they will keep their relationship. Anything that breaks this linkage can damage the relationship. No matter how sensible, worthwhile, or absolutely necessary the distraction seems to be, it should be handled with great care and not allowed to break the essential connection between partners. It is very easy to ruin even a good relationship. It is also very easy, once we know about linkage, to preserve a good relationship and to make it even better. So go for the linkage, and good luck!
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
01 September 2009
Vacation, Nature, and our human ways of being...
: Today’s Reflection is about a vacation, Nature, and our human ways of being
: in, and with, the world around us.
It is early morning, and I am sitting on the beach of Mussel Beach Campground, which is on the very West Coast of Vancouver Island, hidden behind Ucluelet, yet right on the ocean. While there are a few other people in the campsite, they are all asleep, and so it feels as though the whole place belongs to me. And Tobi. And the crows and seagulls. The clouds and the rain of last night are moving away, and the sun is making its shy - yet persistent - appearance. It is time of low tide, yet the waves make sure I know they are not too far away. Nothing like going to sleep, and waking up, with their sound in the background.
When I am present with these magical surroundings around me, it is easy to feel in-tune with myself and with the world; the world which David Abram calls the "more-than human community." Everything feels alive, co-existing, and participating in that mysterious game called life. In what seems to be a very appropriate setting, I am reading an interview with David Abram, author of a gem of a book, "The spell of the sensuous," conducted by Derrick Jensen. Here, on the beach and deeply immersed in Nature, it resonates strongly with me. What follows are a few excerpts, interspersed with some of my thoughts about us, humans.
"But the sleight-of-hand magician is one who can startle the senses out of the slumber induced by such obsolete ways of speaking [where we have been culturally brainwashed to speak of other animals' behaviour as "programmed" in their genes and nothing there is even remotely close to "consciousness"]. By making a coin vanish from one hand and appear under your foot, making a stone float between his hands or a silk scarf change its colours, the magician wakes up that old, animistic awareness of objects as living, animate entities with their own styles and secrets; he coaxes our senses to engage the strangeness of things once again."
After all, for the largest and longest part of our species' existence, humans have negotiated relationships with every aspect of our environments, exchanging possibilities with every form, entity, and being around us. All could communicate, though not in language (as we use right now), and we could understand and reply - whether with sounds, movements, thoughts, or minute shifts of mood. And from all of these relationships with our environment, all were collectively nourished.
"So much of research, today, seems motivated less by a sense of wonder than by a great will-to-control. It's a mark of immaturity, I think, a sign that our science is still in its adolescence. A more mature science would be motivated by a wish for a richer relationship, for deeper reciprocity with the world that we study."
"In our culture we speak about nature a great deal. Mature cultures speak to nature. They feel the rest of nature speak to them."
"If we want to actually start noticing where we are, and finding ourselves in a better relation with the rest of the earth around us, the simplest and most elegant way I know of is simply to stop insulting everything around us by speaking of them as passive objects, and instead begin to allow things their own spontaneity, their own life. As soon as you start speaking in such a way, you start noticing things a hell of a lot more. You suddenly find yourself in a dynamic relationship with all the things around you, including the air you breathe, the chair you are sitting on, the house in which you live. You find yourself negotiating relationships all the time. And you realize that ethics is not something to be practiced only with other humans - that all of our actions have ethical consequences."
An interesting point here is to look into our common literature. There, if we look carefully, we will notice a very subtle, yet all-prevalent taboo, preventing us from assigning any consciousness to any being other that human. It shows in the fact that there are very few books where an animal, for example, is a 'he' or a 'she.' For the most part, the animal (even the "man's best friend") is an 'it.' An object, and not a live being, with feelings, thoughts, desires, awareness. When such a perspective is adopted without ever questioning it, David's words ring even stronger.
"Once we reduce our input to everything being mediated by humans, we are essentially in an echo chamber, and we begin to hallucinate. We are sensory deprived, because we are not getting the variety of sensory stimulation we need."
And that becomes a form of solitary confinement, where we find ourselves cut off from a full range of relationships, existing in a world in which none of the other beings are acknowledged as sentient or aware. Which allows us the only possible relationships with other humans; after all, one cannot enter into a dynamic relationship with an object.
Yet, every human community is nested within a more-than-human community of beings.
"The animate earth around us - this land swept by the wind and pounded by rain - is far more lovely than any heaven we can dream up. But to awaken to this awesome beauty we must give up our spectator perspective, and the illusion of control that it gives us, in order to gaze out at the world from within its own depths. This is, alas, a terrifying move for most over-civilized folks today - because to renounce control is to notice that we are vulnerable: to suffering, to loss, to disease, to death. But also that we are vulnerable to purest joy. The wild world to which our senses give us access is an inexhaustibly beautiful realm, but it is hardly safe - it is filled with shifting shadows, and is plenty dangerous. ... We can't master it - never have, never will. What we can do is participate in the life of this breathing world far more deeply and creatively than we have these past few thousand years."
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
: in, and with, the world around us.
It is early morning, and I am sitting on the beach of Mussel Beach Campground, which is on the very West Coast of Vancouver Island, hidden behind Ucluelet, yet right on the ocean. While there are a few other people in the campsite, they are all asleep, and so it feels as though the whole place belongs to me. And Tobi. And the crows and seagulls. The clouds and the rain of last night are moving away, and the sun is making its shy - yet persistent - appearance. It is time of low tide, yet the waves make sure I know they are not too far away. Nothing like going to sleep, and waking up, with their sound in the background.
When I am present with these magical surroundings around me, it is easy to feel in-tune with myself and with the world; the world which David Abram calls the "more-than human community." Everything feels alive, co-existing, and participating in that mysterious game called life. In what seems to be a very appropriate setting, I am reading an interview with David Abram, author of a gem of a book, "The spell of the sensuous," conducted by Derrick Jensen. Here, on the beach and deeply immersed in Nature, it resonates strongly with me. What follows are a few excerpts, interspersed with some of my thoughts about us, humans.
"But the sleight-of-hand magician is one who can startle the senses out of the slumber induced by such obsolete ways of speaking [where we have been culturally brainwashed to speak of other animals' behaviour as "programmed" in their genes and nothing there is even remotely close to "consciousness"]. By making a coin vanish from one hand and appear under your foot, making a stone float between his hands or a silk scarf change its colours, the magician wakes up that old, animistic awareness of objects as living, animate entities with their own styles and secrets; he coaxes our senses to engage the strangeness of things once again."
After all, for the largest and longest part of our species' existence, humans have negotiated relationships with every aspect of our environments, exchanging possibilities with every form, entity, and being around us. All could communicate, though not in language (as we use right now), and we could understand and reply - whether with sounds, movements, thoughts, or minute shifts of mood. And from all of these relationships with our environment, all were collectively nourished.
"So much of research, today, seems motivated less by a sense of wonder than by a great will-to-control. It's a mark of immaturity, I think, a sign that our science is still in its adolescence. A more mature science would be motivated by a wish for a richer relationship, for deeper reciprocity with the world that we study."
"In our culture we speak about nature a great deal. Mature cultures speak to nature. They feel the rest of nature speak to them."
"If we want to actually start noticing where we are, and finding ourselves in a better relation with the rest of the earth around us, the simplest and most elegant way I know of is simply to stop insulting everything around us by speaking of them as passive objects, and instead begin to allow things their own spontaneity, their own life. As soon as you start speaking in such a way, you start noticing things a hell of a lot more. You suddenly find yourself in a dynamic relationship with all the things around you, including the air you breathe, the chair you are sitting on, the house in which you live. You find yourself negotiating relationships all the time. And you realize that ethics is not something to be practiced only with other humans - that all of our actions have ethical consequences."
An interesting point here is to look into our common literature. There, if we look carefully, we will notice a very subtle, yet all-prevalent taboo, preventing us from assigning any consciousness to any being other that human. It shows in the fact that there are very few books where an animal, for example, is a 'he' or a 'she.' For the most part, the animal (even the "man's best friend") is an 'it.' An object, and not a live being, with feelings, thoughts, desires, awareness. When such a perspective is adopted without ever questioning it, David's words ring even stronger.
"Once we reduce our input to everything being mediated by humans, we are essentially in an echo chamber, and we begin to hallucinate. We are sensory deprived, because we are not getting the variety of sensory stimulation we need."
And that becomes a form of solitary confinement, where we find ourselves cut off from a full range of relationships, existing in a world in which none of the other beings are acknowledged as sentient or aware. Which allows us the only possible relationships with other humans; after all, one cannot enter into a dynamic relationship with an object.
Yet, every human community is nested within a more-than-human community of beings.
"The animate earth around us - this land swept by the wind and pounded by rain - is far more lovely than any heaven we can dream up. But to awaken to this awesome beauty we must give up our spectator perspective, and the illusion of control that it gives us, in order to gaze out at the world from within its own depths. This is, alas, a terrifying move for most over-civilized folks today - because to renounce control is to notice that we are vulnerable: to suffering, to loss, to disease, to death. But also that we are vulnerable to purest joy. The wild world to which our senses give us access is an inexhaustibly beautiful realm, but it is hardly safe - it is filled with shifting shadows, and is plenty dangerous. ... We can't master it - never have, never will. What we can do is participate in the life of this breathing world far more deeply and creatively than we have these past few thousand years."
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
15 August 2009
Today’s Reflection is about a paradox, a duality
Today’s Reflection is about a paradox, a duality, and a way of being with no easy or immediate answers.
A beautiful summer day at the Hollyhock retreat on Cortes Island. Sun, Nature at its best, stunning Caribbean-looking beach, delicious vegetarian food. Seemingly, a little paradise.
A group of about a 115 social and environmental activists, visionaries, artists, and change agents have come together for a 5-day Summer Gathering event, to talk about what is going on in the world right now, to connect and reconnect, to find out what each other is doing to make a difference, and to explore ways to ensure we will have a future for the next generations to come. There is a lot of excitement in the air. People bring their passion, inspiration, and authenticity forward, through conversations, presentations, music, dance, and celebration of the Gathering.
:: “For as long as we've been around as humans, as wandering bands of nomads
:: or cave dwellers, we have sat together and shared experiences. We've
:: painted images on rock walls, recounted dreams and visions, told stories
:: of the day, and generally felt comforted to be in the world together. When
:: the world became fearsome, we came together. When the world called us to
:: explore its edges, we journeyed together. Whatever we did, we did it
:: together.” - Margaret Wheatley
Yet, not everything is rosy in this little paradise. Some of the conversations and presentations focused on the immediate dangers to the planet, mainly from global warming (though it is clearly only one of the many dangers we are currently facing). Some of the numbers are scary, and bring about a sense of immediate urgency of the need for radical, drastic, and painful shift in our lifestyles. Thus, together with the inspiration and the positive beat, the other side is strongly present as well - of hopelessness, despair, pain, and tears; all freely expressed, accepted, and embraced. There are times when words cannot adequately express such emotions, and a deep and painful cry, from the bottom of the soul, is the only way to capture the essence of what is going on inside.
:: “If you are not sure where you are Headed, make sure you know where you
:: are Hearted.” - Philip Clement
Yet another paradox, duality of a state of being - despair and hope, pain and joy, darkness and love, coexisting together within a person, and the gathering as a whole. There are no easy answers. Perhaps there are no answers at all. The need to be with both extremes, to accept the reality, to feel the magnitude of the despair, yet not let it stop or prevent anyone from doing what needs to be done is a lesson for many to embrace. Healing starts from acknowledging the pain first.
Despite, or perhaps because, of all that happened, I am coming back rejuvenated. I felt the pain and the despair (still do) of our current reality, which I think was one of the things that allowed me to feel the other extreme as well. Knowing that others have been there too, yet still continue doing their work, is an incredible gift that I hold as a precious and inspiring knowing.
John, over to you...
Imagine there's no heaven.
It's easy if you try.
No Hell below us;
Above us only sky.
Imagine all the people
Living for today....
Imagine there's no countries.
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to kill or die for;
And no religion, too.
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will be as one.
Imagine no possessions.
I wonder if you can.
No need for greed or hunger;
A brotherhood of man.
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world....
You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you will join us,
And the world will be as one.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
A beautiful summer day at the Hollyhock retreat on Cortes Island. Sun, Nature at its best, stunning Caribbean-looking beach, delicious vegetarian food. Seemingly, a little paradise.
A group of about a 115 social and environmental activists, visionaries, artists, and change agents have come together for a 5-day Summer Gathering event, to talk about what is going on in the world right now, to connect and reconnect, to find out what each other is doing to make a difference, and to explore ways to ensure we will have a future for the next generations to come. There is a lot of excitement in the air. People bring their passion, inspiration, and authenticity forward, through conversations, presentations, music, dance, and celebration of the Gathering.
:: “For as long as we've been around as humans, as wandering bands of nomads
:: or cave dwellers, we have sat together and shared experiences. We've
:: painted images on rock walls, recounted dreams and visions, told stories
:: of the day, and generally felt comforted to be in the world together. When
:: the world became fearsome, we came together. When the world called us to
:: explore its edges, we journeyed together. Whatever we did, we did it
:: together.” - Margaret Wheatley
Yet, not everything is rosy in this little paradise. Some of the conversations and presentations focused on the immediate dangers to the planet, mainly from global warming (though it is clearly only one of the many dangers we are currently facing). Some of the numbers are scary, and bring about a sense of immediate urgency of the need for radical, drastic, and painful shift in our lifestyles. Thus, together with the inspiration and the positive beat, the other side is strongly present as well - of hopelessness, despair, pain, and tears; all freely expressed, accepted, and embraced. There are times when words cannot adequately express such emotions, and a deep and painful cry, from the bottom of the soul, is the only way to capture the essence of what is going on inside.
:: “If you are not sure where you are Headed, make sure you know where you
:: are Hearted.” - Philip Clement
Yet another paradox, duality of a state of being - despair and hope, pain and joy, darkness and love, coexisting together within a person, and the gathering as a whole. There are no easy answers. Perhaps there are no answers at all. The need to be with both extremes, to accept the reality, to feel the magnitude of the despair, yet not let it stop or prevent anyone from doing what needs to be done is a lesson for many to embrace. Healing starts from acknowledging the pain first.
Despite, or perhaps because, of all that happened, I am coming back rejuvenated. I felt the pain and the despair (still do) of our current reality, which I think was one of the things that allowed me to feel the other extreme as well. Knowing that others have been there too, yet still continue doing their work, is an incredible gift that I hold as a precious and inspiring knowing.
John, over to you...
Imagine there's no heaven.
It's easy if you try.
No Hell below us;
Above us only sky.
Imagine all the people
Living for today....
Imagine there's no countries.
It isn't hard to do.
Nothing to kill or die for;
And no religion, too.
Imagine all the people
Living life in peace...
You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you'll join us,
And the world will be as one.
Imagine no possessions.
I wonder if you can.
No need for greed or hunger;
A brotherhood of man.
Imagine all the people
Sharing all the world....
You may say I'm a dreamer,
But I'm not the only one.
I hope some day you will join us,
And the world will be as one.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
25 July 2009
SimonsReflectionsList@yahoogroups.com
: Today's Reflection is about solitude, surprises, and gratitude.
I woke up early this morning, before the sunrise. Thus, I had the opportunity to watch it, enjoying the birth of a new day, in pristine and peaceful solitude of a little secluded Williams Beach. Sitting and watching the ocean, thinking about the fact that I woke up several times through the night, just to watch the stars and listen to the sound of the waves, playing their endless sound all through the night. Sipping tea, thinking about everything and nothing in particular, with nobody around - except for Tobi, impatiently waiting for me to do something really important, like throw him a ball.
:: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero
I was also thinking about an email that I received a couple of days prior to it, which is fitting into the theme. The email is about a reflection I wrote several years ago, yet it feels fitting to share it again. The email is from a person we will call C, who stumbled upon it when searching the Internet... for something...
It [the Reflection, which I am reposting below] was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm really not sure exactly why I'm writing this, except that after reading this I felt that you would understand and appreciate how I am feeling.
At a point in my life when I knew nothing of a spiritual path or journey, I had a very deep and abrupt spiritual experience. After that my life changed drastically. Just a few days after this experience, out of nowhere someone just knocked on my door and handed me a flier for a workshop, and there I was very blessed to meet a very gifted teacher. He was like a father to me, I studied with him, and lived with him for a few years. I traveled with him, and helped him teach and organize his workshops. Then very suddenly he "passed away". When they told me I thought they were playing a cruel joke, because he really was a "master". Though I was in shock, I let go of any attachment, and went on with my life. The thing is, that for the most part, for whatever reason, I have never had any experiences or connections like that since, and whenever I attend a class or workshop, they always seemed so "light" to me. So for years I just accepted that, and decided on a l
:: It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion;
:: it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great
:: man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect
:: sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
And the reflection that sparked this email from C follows.
Solitude is not suffering through an evening with our own company but taking the time to make a good neighbor of our company. Many of us don't value our solitude. Many of us will do anything, even suffer bad company, to avoid our own company. To many of us solitude simply means we can't get a date. Not that we have made one with ourselves.
Coming to one's own company is something that many of us only arrive at kicking and screaming. If you asked people how they felt about an evening at home alone with themselves, a fair number of the honest ones would answer: "Boring." The dishonest answer in the main would be: "I would love an evening at home by myself but can't ever seem to find the time." Which translated means: "So boring I have no intention of finding the time."
Most of us move from the company of families, to dating, to relationships without ever passing through solitude. The experience of solitude is not taught in schools. What passes for solitude to most people is the sense of being left out, or not fitting in, or feeling alone in a crowd. Coming to the pleasure of one's own company is very different than personal or social estrangement.
Coming to the pleasure of one's own company isn't anti-social. In fact it is the opposite. Those who are not comfortable with their own company are never comfortable with others. Little makes us better company than being comfortable alone. Many of us looking for someone special in our life have never met the most special person in our lives. Ourselves. This doesn't mean we're more important than others. It does mean that we can't really be in a positive relationship with others until we've firmly established a relationship with our selves. There should be a rule that none of us can get engaged until after we've "gone steady" with ourselves.
Just for the record, coming to the pleasure of our own company isn't narcissism. The basis of narcissism is self-hate and low self-esteem. Needing to always tell ourselves how great we are is a neon sign flashing: "We don't think we're that great." In solitude we discover that other's can't treat us "right" until we're used to treating ourselves properly. No one else can say they love us and it mean something to us, until we can say it to ourselves. People try to take a shortcut on this all the time. And it doesn't work. No one else can give us what we don't think we deserve to give ourselves.
What people often say they want, or they feel is missing, in a relationship is honesty. But most of the lurid and gossipy forms of dishonesty are generally causally preceded by an altogether different form of dishonesty. People who have no idea who they really are or people who haven't accepted themselves cannot be in lasting relationships with partners who they haven't accepted for who they are and who themselves have no idea who they are. This kind of dance has everybody stepping on everybody's toes. Sadly this isn't about bad people but people who simply haven't ever spent enough time in their own company. The world would be a better place if we spent less time calling others liars and spent more time taking an honest look at ourselves.
"A good marriage," wrote the poet Ranier Maria Rilke, "is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude." Many of us come to relationships without our solitude intact. Growing solitude in a relationship is very different from growing to feel alone in a relationship. Relationships strangle the participants if our need for solitude is not allowed to breathe. This is not an argument for separate vacations but the simple respect of each other and each other's space in time and space.
A partner who wants you to grow into whoever you are becoming has a much better chance of being your partner when you get there. A partner who doesn't shy from not meeting your expectation and is more interested in meeting their own expectation is a partner you can expect to be honest. A partner who isn't afraid of being alone, or being left alone, is not in a relationship out of fear but out of choice. And is a whole different kind of partner.
When we are a friend to our self we can move into real friendships. And not until.
Friendship first requires self-friendship and to be a guardian of another's solitude require us to first stand guard over our own. Friends and lovers who share solitude have the pleasure of both company and self. Nice company if you can get it.
Take a moment to learn how rich you are. Value your own company. Come to the pleasure of your own company. Know the wealth of knowing you. What is it in you that makes you YOU?
:: I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from
:: the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange,
:: I am ungrateful to these teachers." - Kahlil Gibran
Have a beautiful day, inside and out.
Simon
I woke up early this morning, before the sunrise. Thus, I had the opportunity to watch it, enjoying the birth of a new day, in pristine and peaceful solitude of a little secluded Williams Beach. Sitting and watching the ocean, thinking about the fact that I woke up several times through the night, just to watch the stars and listen to the sound of the waves, playing their endless sound all through the night. Sipping tea, thinking about everything and nothing in particular, with nobody around - except for Tobi, impatiently waiting for me to do something really important, like throw him a ball.
:: "Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others." - Cicero
I was also thinking about an email that I received a couple of days prior to it, which is fitting into the theme. The email is about a reflection I wrote several years ago, yet it feels fitting to share it again. The email is from a person we will call C, who stumbled upon it when searching the Internet... for something...
It [the Reflection, which I am reposting below] was exactly what I needed to hear. I'm really not sure exactly why I'm writing this, except that after reading this I felt that you would understand and appreciate how I am feeling.
At a point in my life when I knew nothing of a spiritual path or journey, I had a very deep and abrupt spiritual experience. After that my life changed drastically. Just a few days after this experience, out of nowhere someone just knocked on my door and handed me a flier for a workshop, and there I was very blessed to meet a very gifted teacher. He was like a father to me, I studied with him, and lived with him for a few years. I traveled with him, and helped him teach and organize his workshops. Then very suddenly he "passed away". When they told me I thought they were playing a cruel joke, because he really was a "master". Though I was in shock, I let go of any attachment, and went on with my life. The thing is, that for the most part, for whatever reason, I have never had any experiences or connections like that since, and whenever I attend a class or workshop, they always seemed so "light" to me. So for years I just accepted that, and decided on a l
:: It is easy in the world to live after the world's opinion;
:: it is easy in solitude to live after our own; but the great
:: man is he who in the midst of the crowd keeps with perfect
:: sweetness the independence of solitude." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
And the reflection that sparked this email from C follows.
Solitude is not suffering through an evening with our own company but taking the time to make a good neighbor of our company. Many of us don't value our solitude. Many of us will do anything, even suffer bad company, to avoid our own company. To many of us solitude simply means we can't get a date. Not that we have made one with ourselves.
Coming to one's own company is something that many of us only arrive at kicking and screaming. If you asked people how they felt about an evening at home alone with themselves, a fair number of the honest ones would answer: "Boring." The dishonest answer in the main would be: "I would love an evening at home by myself but can't ever seem to find the time." Which translated means: "So boring I have no intention of finding the time."
Most of us move from the company of families, to dating, to relationships without ever passing through solitude. The experience of solitude is not taught in schools. What passes for solitude to most people is the sense of being left out, or not fitting in, or feeling alone in a crowd. Coming to the pleasure of one's own company is very different than personal or social estrangement.
Coming to the pleasure of one's own company isn't anti-social. In fact it is the opposite. Those who are not comfortable with their own company are never comfortable with others. Little makes us better company than being comfortable alone. Many of us looking for someone special in our life have never met the most special person in our lives. Ourselves. This doesn't mean we're more important than others. It does mean that we can't really be in a positive relationship with others until we've firmly established a relationship with our selves. There should be a rule that none of us can get engaged until after we've "gone steady" with ourselves.
Just for the record, coming to the pleasure of our own company isn't narcissism. The basis of narcissism is self-hate and low self-esteem. Needing to always tell ourselves how great we are is a neon sign flashing: "We don't think we're that great." In solitude we discover that other's can't treat us "right" until we're used to treating ourselves properly. No one else can say they love us and it mean something to us, until we can say it to ourselves. People try to take a shortcut on this all the time. And it doesn't work. No one else can give us what we don't think we deserve to give ourselves.
What people often say they want, or they feel is missing, in a relationship is honesty. But most of the lurid and gossipy forms of dishonesty are generally causally preceded by an altogether different form of dishonesty. People who have no idea who they really are or people who haven't accepted themselves cannot be in lasting relationships with partners who they haven't accepted for who they are and who themselves have no idea who they are. This kind of dance has everybody stepping on everybody's toes. Sadly this isn't about bad people but people who simply haven't ever spent enough time in their own company. The world would be a better place if we spent less time calling others liars and spent more time taking an honest look at ourselves.
"A good marriage," wrote the poet Ranier Maria Rilke, "is that in which each appoints the other guardian of his solitude." Many of us come to relationships without our solitude intact. Growing solitude in a relationship is very different from growing to feel alone in a relationship. Relationships strangle the participants if our need for solitude is not allowed to breathe. This is not an argument for separate vacations but the simple respect of each other and each other's space in time and space.
A partner who wants you to grow into whoever you are becoming has a much better chance of being your partner when you get there. A partner who doesn't shy from not meeting your expectation and is more interested in meeting their own expectation is a partner you can expect to be honest. A partner who isn't afraid of being alone, or being left alone, is not in a relationship out of fear but out of choice. And is a whole different kind of partner.
When we are a friend to our self we can move into real friendships. And not until.
Friendship first requires self-friendship and to be a guardian of another's solitude require us to first stand guard over our own. Friends and lovers who share solitude have the pleasure of both company and self. Nice company if you can get it.
Take a moment to learn how rich you are. Value your own company. Come to the pleasure of your own company. Know the wealth of knowing you. What is it in you that makes you YOU?
:: I have learnt silence from the talkative, toleration from
:: the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind; yet strange,
:: I am ungrateful to these teachers." - Kahlil Gibran
Have a beautiful day, inside and out.
Simon
04 June 2009
(Hal & Sidra's ) Voice Dialogue Tips
Voice Dialogue Tips
June 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Participants,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 4: Friends & Challenge 5: Children
2. Understanding The Psychology of Selves and Voice Dialogue gives you unique insights into your Dreams, and how they can become a teacher for you. To watch Hal & Sidra present a video on Dreams, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
3. Coming Soon - A new feature film about the Mind, Consciousness and Relationships, more about this in the next issue.
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 4: Friends
It is extremely important to have friends and not to depend solely upon your partner to fill all your interpersonal needs. However, it is possible for our friendships to divert our primary linkage to someone other than our partner.
In the past, this has been particularly true of women. Their friendships have been deeper and more intimate than their marriages. They felt that they could say anything to their friends, but that they had to be cautious about what they said to their husbands. When they needed comfort they spoke with their friends not with their husbands. When they were unhappy about something that their husbands said or did, they did not speak to their husbands about it, but aired their concerns with their friends instead. Rather than saying to their partners, “I did not like it when you … ” they called their friends and discussed the matter with them. This shifts the primary linkage from the husband to the friend.
There is another way in which the primary linkage moves away from the relationship and to the friendship. This is a particular problem when one partner is an overly responsible person who gets very involved with the needs and problems of friends. There is a point where the balance between the friend and partner is shifted and the relationship loses. The energy is withdrawn from the partner and goes to the needy friend.
For instance, Bob and Jill are sitting at the dinner table. Jill tells Bob a funny story about their daughter's success with her potty training. Bob proudly tells Jill about his contract to build three homes in the new housing development in the next town. They are having a great time together. The phone rings. It is Jill's friend, Marla, who is having marital problems — again. Rather than finishing her meal with Bob, Jill leaves him at the table and talks for an hour with Marla. She links to Marla, her friend who needs her. She breaks her linkage with Bob who, she thinks, can manage on his own. If this happens frequently enough, the primary linkage is no longer in the marriage but in the friendship, and the marriage becomes an empty form rather than a living relationship.
As you might notice from this interchange, friends often carry our disowned selves, or missing pieces. If we look at the example of Bob and Jill, we see that Jill is not allowed to be needy like Marla. Jill, as a responsible type of person, must abandon her own dinner in order to care for Marla. She does not have the option of saying, “I'm sorry but I can't talk just now, Bob and I are eating dinner. I'll call you back tomorrow.”
The question to ask yourself here is Who is my best friend? In general, when you have something really important on your mind would you rather talk to your partner or your friends? For a truly intimate relationship, the answer will be “my partner.” There is a saying “It's wonderful to be married to your best friend.” When the primary linkage is in the relationship, that is just the way we feel; our partners are our best friends.
Challenge 5: Children
We devoted chapter 8 to the effect of children on relationships because it is so common for children to replace the partner as our primary linkage. They are a marvelous gift but, just because they are so fascinating and delicious, they are also an almost irresistible distraction from the primary relationship. For many of us, it is the easiest thing in the world to shift our primary linkage from our partners to our children.
Basically, when a baby is born, the mother must bond to the new infant so that it will flourish. This usually means that, at least for a while, she will shift her primary linkage from the relationship to the child. These days with the increasing involvement of fathers in child rearing, the father is likely to shift his primary linkage to the child as well, for the same reason the mothers have done so in the past. It feels good.
It is absolutely necessary for both parents to realize how important it is for themselves, their relationship, and the well-being of their children, to stay connected to one another. This means that they will do whatever is necessary to maintain their own linkage.
When the linkage between partners is broken because one partner shifts the primary linkage to the child, the other partner is left hanging out alone, like an atom with an unpaired electron commonly known as a free radical. This “free radical” will look for someone or something else to bond to. Then any of these other “challenges” we have been discussing may become the object of the primary linkage. Let's see what this can look like.
John and Jane have just had a baby after eight years of marriage. Before the birth of the child, John and Jane were inseparable. Jane taught school full time and John worked in computer software development. Now that the baby, Nancy, has entered the scene, Jane has taken a leave of absence from teaching, she is busy all the time and her primary linkage shifts from John to the baby. John feels rejected and is a bit worried about money, but he does not like to feel vulnerable so he does the sensible thing. He spends more and more time at work. After all, there are more bills to be paid and Jane is no longer teaching full time. Now Jane is linked to the baby and John is linked to his work. But there is a problem, a big one, their connection is no longer primary.
Sometimes the primary connection remains within the family but instead of being between the parents, it shifts to the children. Each partner links to a different child. The mother's primary connection may be to her son and the father's to his daughter. One parent may connect to the most successful child while the other parent's primary connection is to the most needy child. If there is a single child, it sometimes happens that both parents' primary linkage is to the same child.
If you have children ask yourself these questions: Is your primary linkage to your partner or to your children? What about your partner's primary connection, is it to you or to a child? When did you and your partner last take time to be alone and to reconnect in intimate ways that did not include your children?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Doing Rather than Being", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
June 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Participants,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 4: Friends & Challenge 5: Children
2. Understanding The Psychology of Selves and Voice Dialogue gives you unique insights into your Dreams, and how they can become a teacher for you. To watch Hal & Sidra present a video on Dreams, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
3. Coming Soon - A new feature film about the Mind, Consciousness and Relationships, more about this in the next issue.
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 4: Friends
It is extremely important to have friends and not to depend solely upon your partner to fill all your interpersonal needs. However, it is possible for our friendships to divert our primary linkage to someone other than our partner.
In the past, this has been particularly true of women. Their friendships have been deeper and more intimate than their marriages. They felt that they could say anything to their friends, but that they had to be cautious about what they said to their husbands. When they needed comfort they spoke with their friends not with their husbands. When they were unhappy about something that their husbands said or did, they did not speak to their husbands about it, but aired their concerns with their friends instead. Rather than saying to their partners, “I did not like it when you … ” they called their friends and discussed the matter with them. This shifts the primary linkage from the husband to the friend.
There is another way in which the primary linkage moves away from the relationship and to the friendship. This is a particular problem when one partner is an overly responsible person who gets very involved with the needs and problems of friends. There is a point where the balance between the friend and partner is shifted and the relationship loses. The energy is withdrawn from the partner and goes to the needy friend.
For instance, Bob and Jill are sitting at the dinner table. Jill tells Bob a funny story about their daughter's success with her potty training. Bob proudly tells Jill about his contract to build three homes in the new housing development in the next town. They are having a great time together. The phone rings. It is Jill's friend, Marla, who is having marital problems — again. Rather than finishing her meal with Bob, Jill leaves him at the table and talks for an hour with Marla. She links to Marla, her friend who needs her. She breaks her linkage with Bob who, she thinks, can manage on his own. If this happens frequently enough, the primary linkage is no longer in the marriage but in the friendship, and the marriage becomes an empty form rather than a living relationship.
As you might notice from this interchange, friends often carry our disowned selves, or missing pieces. If we look at the example of Bob and Jill, we see that Jill is not allowed to be needy like Marla. Jill, as a responsible type of person, must abandon her own dinner in order to care for Marla. She does not have the option of saying, “I'm sorry but I can't talk just now, Bob and I are eating dinner. I'll call you back tomorrow.”
The question to ask yourself here is Who is my best friend? In general, when you have something really important on your mind would you rather talk to your partner or your friends? For a truly intimate relationship, the answer will be “my partner.” There is a saying “It's wonderful to be married to your best friend.” When the primary linkage is in the relationship, that is just the way we feel; our partners are our best friends.
Challenge 5: Children
We devoted chapter 8 to the effect of children on relationships because it is so common for children to replace the partner as our primary linkage. They are a marvelous gift but, just because they are so fascinating and delicious, they are also an almost irresistible distraction from the primary relationship. For many of us, it is the easiest thing in the world to shift our primary linkage from our partners to our children.
Basically, when a baby is born, the mother must bond to the new infant so that it will flourish. This usually means that, at least for a while, she will shift her primary linkage from the relationship to the child. These days with the increasing involvement of fathers in child rearing, the father is likely to shift his primary linkage to the child as well, for the same reason the mothers have done so in the past. It feels good.
It is absolutely necessary for both parents to realize how important it is for themselves, their relationship, and the well-being of their children, to stay connected to one another. This means that they will do whatever is necessary to maintain their own linkage.
When the linkage between partners is broken because one partner shifts the primary linkage to the child, the other partner is left hanging out alone, like an atom with an unpaired electron commonly known as a free radical. This “free radical” will look for someone or something else to bond to. Then any of these other “challenges” we have been discussing may become the object of the primary linkage. Let's see what this can look like.
John and Jane have just had a baby after eight years of marriage. Before the birth of the child, John and Jane were inseparable. Jane taught school full time and John worked in computer software development. Now that the baby, Nancy, has entered the scene, Jane has taken a leave of absence from teaching, she is busy all the time and her primary linkage shifts from John to the baby. John feels rejected and is a bit worried about money, but he does not like to feel vulnerable so he does the sensible thing. He spends more and more time at work. After all, there are more bills to be paid and Jane is no longer teaching full time. Now Jane is linked to the baby and John is linked to his work. But there is a problem, a big one, their connection is no longer primary.
Sometimes the primary connection remains within the family but instead of being between the parents, it shifts to the children. Each partner links to a different child. The mother's primary connection may be to her son and the father's to his daughter. One parent may connect to the most successful child while the other parent's primary connection is to the most needy child. If there is a single child, it sometimes happens that both parents' primary linkage is to the same child.
If you have children ask yourself these questions: Is your primary linkage to your partner or to your children? What about your partner's primary connection, is it to you or to a child? When did you and your partner last take time to be alone and to reconnect in intimate ways that did not include your children?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Doing Rather than Being", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
30 May 2009
Simon's Reflection
: Today’s Reflection is about the impermanence of our lives.
"As the morning tide recedes at a beach near Christchurch, New Zealand, Peter Donnelly arrives to go to work. Peter the Sand Dancer, with a simple stick and a rake (and a not-so-simple gift of vision), paints elaborate works of art in the sand while hundreds watch in awe and appreciation."
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1499
I remember going to do a 10-day vipassana meditation retreat, quite a few years ago. 10 days of what felt like endless sitting, and most of it in silence. This is where I encountered the concept of “anicca,” which expresses the Buddhist notion that every conditioned existence, without exception, is inconstant and in flux, and because everything is impermanent, attachment to them is futile and leads to one thing only. Suffering. At the time, while it felt kinda true, it was still a nice theory from a faraway land. I’d like to think that I wizened since, a little, and can understand it a bit better now. Experiences are a wonderful teacher.
:: "In the depth of Winter I finally learned that within me there
:: lay an invincible Summer." - Albert Camus
The circle of life
An endless flow of impermanence.
Anicca in action.
Beginning follows ending
Which leads to another beginning.
Which is which?
Drawing in the sand
A masterpiece of effort and beauty.
Here comes a wave.
A new thing
Becomes familiar with time.
Can it be new again?
Apparently, you cannot
Put the same hand in the same river.
Not twice. Not even once.
The I Ching has a hexagram that talks about the “difficulty in the beginning.” It is when the chaos and confusion around, or within, is actually a much needed jolt. Some aspects of one’s life are being shaken up, and the outgrown is falling away. A new birth emerges and increases one’s capacity to endure difficult transitions. The I Ching is also being gracious enough to mention the fact that, in the interim, one has the right to feel vulnerable and shaky. Much of what was once a source of security and protection is being buffered to the point where it is difficult to know what you want, which way to move, or what to expect; doubts and questions are present in many areas of life where once there was solid and unshakable certainty. Great! Luckily, it is a part of the process, of dismantling the old to clear way for the new. Onward, gently, slowly, with no rush. A new birth is emerging...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
"As the morning tide recedes at a beach near Christchurch, New Zealand, Peter Donnelly arrives to go to work. Peter the Sand Dancer, with a simple stick and a rake (and a not-so-simple gift of vision), paints elaborate works of art in the sand while hundreds watch in awe and appreciation."
http://www.karmatube.org/videos.php?id=1499
I remember going to do a 10-day vipassana meditation retreat, quite a few years ago. 10 days of what felt like endless sitting, and most of it in silence. This is where I encountered the concept of “anicca,” which expresses the Buddhist notion that every conditioned existence, without exception, is inconstant and in flux, and because everything is impermanent, attachment to them is futile and leads to one thing only. Suffering. At the time, while it felt kinda true, it was still a nice theory from a faraway land. I’d like to think that I wizened since, a little, and can understand it a bit better now. Experiences are a wonderful teacher.
:: "In the depth of Winter I finally learned that within me there
:: lay an invincible Summer." - Albert Camus
The circle of life
An endless flow of impermanence.
Anicca in action.
Beginning follows ending
Which leads to another beginning.
Which is which?
Drawing in the sand
A masterpiece of effort and beauty.
Here comes a wave.
A new thing
Becomes familiar with time.
Can it be new again?
Apparently, you cannot
Put the same hand in the same river.
Not twice. Not even once.
The I Ching has a hexagram that talks about the “difficulty in the beginning.” It is when the chaos and confusion around, or within, is actually a much needed jolt. Some aspects of one’s life are being shaken up, and the outgrown is falling away. A new birth emerges and increases one’s capacity to endure difficult transitions. The I Ching is also being gracious enough to mention the fact that, in the interim, one has the right to feel vulnerable and shaky. Much of what was once a source of security and protection is being buffered to the point where it is difficult to know what you want, which way to move, or what to expect; doubts and questions are present in many areas of life where once there was solid and unshakable certainty. Great! Luckily, it is a part of the process, of dismantling the old to clear way for the new. Onward, gently, slowly, with no rush. A new birth is emerging...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
28 April 2009
Simon's Reflections
: Today’s Reflection is about taking action. Or not.
Margaret Wheatley tells the story that happened sometime in the 70ies in Gdansk, Poland. There, about a dozen workers started a conversation about the tough and inhumane working conditions in the shipyards, and about what might it look like if things were different. The conversation spread, and within a month, about One Million people were engaged. They closed the shipyards and effectively shut down the country. The Solidarity movement was born. It is important to note that this was time before the internet, cell pones, and text messages. Yes, there was such a time.
In a way, the story of this Reflection is telling of the topic itself. I have been sitting on it for a week, planning and thinking and wanting to write and complete it. And it somehow didn’t happen. Flu. Unexpected meetings. A fireplace that needs to be replaced. Another something. And then one more. Somehow, something managed to get in the way, squeeze itself ahead of the to-do line, and grab my attention. Not that it was that important, when I think of the things I really wanted to do.
:: “To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the
:: fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion,
:: sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex
:: history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our
:: capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there
:: are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the
:: energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a
:: world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however a small way, we
:: don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite
:: succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live,
:: in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
:: - Howard Zinn
For instance, the elections in British Columbia are coming up. I love this province and care about it; I also care about the fact that the current government and Gordon Campbell are planning things that will unequivocally ruin the future here. For instance, by selling all our rivers and the power they will generate to private companies, mostly from the US, which (based on NAFTA) once we do, we will never be able to get back; the following clip portrays the specifics of this so-called plan: http://saveourrivers.tv/powerplay_player5.html . While the solution proposed there is not much better (the BC Greens are the only ones with any long-term viable alternative), but at least we will still have BC Hydro and our Canadian control over our natural resources. So I wanted to do something about it.
Another thing I care about is my health and wellness, and the ability to have easy access to alternative and natural medicine. Well, there is Bill C-6, which is the old Bill C-51 and C-52 – with a new name. While it has a fancy name of Consumer Protection Act, one should not be misled by the name. There is a beautiful and very informative clip ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7_0HlCwb8A ) which explains what it can really do – and it is Bad. Really Bad. Here too, I wanted to do something, because, hey, I care and I can.
Yet, somehow, everything else was urgent. Or felt as such.
:: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” - Einstein
I keep thinking about a simple little matrix of categories, of urgent/important/non-urgent/non-important categories, in all its variations. It seems that my attention often floats towards the the urgent & non-important, at the expense of the things I really need to be focusing on – the non-urgent & important. And I wonder about how, and when, will I learn the difference, and how will I make it work in my life. I don’t think I know it yet...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
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25 April 2009
Voice Dialogue
Voice Dialogue Tips
April 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Joyce,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 3: Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy.
2. We also have a new video on You Tube, a snippet from Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue DVD Series, which is about Dreams. To watch this video, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 3:
Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy
There was a period in the late 1960s and early 1970s when people realized that they could not expect a single romantic or sexual relationship to meet all their needs. This was a reaction against earlier over idealized expectations of marriages “made in heaven” and dreams of “happily ever after” when all that was needed was one Cinderella and one Prince Charming. It was a time of cultural revolution during which there was a good deal of experimentation with extramarital relationships and deep extramarital friendships.
Quite often this worked beautifully for a while. Each partner felt more alive and fulfilled. They brought back new energy to the primary relationship and the linkage between the partners intensified. But what we noticed during those years was that, sooner or later, the linkage between the partners began to dissipate as the linkage to outsiders increased in intensity. Most of the time the primary linkage finally shifted from the partner to someone else.
As normal, ordinary human beings, we can expect to feel attractions to people other than our partners. This is totally natural. It just means that we are alive and that our hormones are functioning properly . There is a great deal to be learned from these attractions if we do not panic about them or feel too guilty.
There was definitely a kernel of truth in the thinking of the sixties and seventies. One person does not hold everything; therefore one relationship cannot hold everything. We have our primary selves and we have our disowned selves. In our relationships there are selves that are acceptable or primary and others that both partners disown.
If you think about what we said earlier regarding disowned selves (see chapter 2), you get the picture of what happens in relationship. Our disowned selves, and the disowned selves of our partners, are the selves that we find fascinating in others. These are the selves that exert the fatal attractions that cause us to drop the linkage to our partners and develop a primary linkage elsewhere . This linkage does not have to become sexual in order to challenge the relationship. It just needs to be primary.
Sometimes this is not even a linkage to an actual person, sexual or otherwise. Sometimes it is a preoccupation with a fantasy. One of the partners develops a strong fantasy life and disappears into it. This can be a fantasy about another person, about an imagined person, or a fantasy about a different kind of life. The primary linkage shifts from the relationship or the partnering to this fantasy or this fantasy character. For some people, this can be as strong an involvement as an involvement with another person and it can disrupt the linkage between partners as much as an actual affair. Just as in an actual affair, the primary linkage has been shifted. Here, the primary linkage is to the fantasy rather than to the partner. Where does this linkage go? Just as in an affair or an attraction, the linkage is always to a person or a situation that is carrying a disowned self.
What can be done to reestablish the linkage within the partnership? If you follow our thinking, look for the disowned selves that are operating. What is it that is irresistible about this person who is not your partner? Where does this person carry either your disowned self or that of your partner? You can actually use this attraction as a teacher and either you or your partner can claim the disowned self so that this irresistible attraction becomes more resistible and your primary linkage returns to the relationship.
What does this look like? Perhaps you and your partner have become rather complacent and predictable. Your routine is safe and comfortable because each of you has disowned your spontaneity and wildness. We might expect that someone who is more spontaneous or unpredictable would be very attractive to one or both of you. If you take this attraction as a sign that you need a bit of fresh air and that your lives need a bit of change, you may be able to incorporate this change into your relationship rather than changing relationships.
These missing pieces that we find irresistible in others can be almost anything. Each of us is different. The person who carries this attraction can be a rebel or a conservative, sexual or proper, a professional or a homebody, fiscally responsible or fiscally impulsive, cautious or spontaneous, thoughtful or selfish, powerful or sensitive, passionate or cool, sophisticated or simple. The list goes on forever, but we just wanted to give you a picture of the variety of possibilities.
Think of the people in your life who exert a fascination over you and who pull your energetic linkage toward themselves and away from your partner. What is it that they carry that is missing in you, your partner, or the relationship? How might you bring more balance into your life and into your relationship by including some of this missing energy?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Friends", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
April 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Joyce,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 3: Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy.
2. We also have a new video on You Tube, a snippet from Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue DVD Series, which is about Dreams. To watch this video, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 3:
Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy
There was a period in the late 1960s and early 1970s when people realized that they could not expect a single romantic or sexual relationship to meet all their needs. This was a reaction against earlier over idealized expectations of marriages “made in heaven” and dreams of “happily ever after” when all that was needed was one Cinderella and one Prince Charming. It was a time of cultural revolution during which there was a good deal of experimentation with extramarital relationships and deep extramarital friendships.
Quite often this worked beautifully for a while. Each partner felt more alive and fulfilled. They brought back new energy to the primary relationship and the linkage between the partners intensified. But what we noticed during those years was that, sooner or later, the linkage between the partners began to dissipate as the linkage to outsiders increased in intensity. Most of the time the primary linkage finally shifted from the partner to someone else.
As normal, ordinary human beings, we can expect to feel attractions to people other than our partners. This is totally natural. It just means that we are alive and that our hormones are functioning properly . There is a great deal to be learned from these attractions if we do not panic about them or feel too guilty.
There was definitely a kernel of truth in the thinking of the sixties and seventies. One person does not hold everything; therefore one relationship cannot hold everything. We have our primary selves and we have our disowned selves. In our relationships there are selves that are acceptable or primary and others that both partners disown.
If you think about what we said earlier regarding disowned selves (see chapter 2), you get the picture of what happens in relationship. Our disowned selves, and the disowned selves of our partners, are the selves that we find fascinating in others. These are the selves that exert the fatal attractions that cause us to drop the linkage to our partners and develop a primary linkage elsewhere . This linkage does not have to become sexual in order to challenge the relationship. It just needs to be primary.
Sometimes this is not even a linkage to an actual person, sexual or otherwise. Sometimes it is a preoccupation with a fantasy. One of the partners develops a strong fantasy life and disappears into it. This can be a fantasy about another person, about an imagined person, or a fantasy about a different kind of life. The primary linkage shifts from the relationship or the partnering to this fantasy or this fantasy character. For some people, this can be as strong an involvement as an involvement with another person and it can disrupt the linkage between partners as much as an actual affair. Just as in an actual affair, the primary linkage has been shifted. Here, the primary linkage is to the fantasy rather than to the partner. Where does this linkage go? Just as in an affair or an attraction, the linkage is always to a person or a situation that is carrying a disowned self.
What can be done to reestablish the linkage within the partnership? If you follow our thinking, look for the disowned selves that are operating. What is it that is irresistible about this person who is not your partner? Where does this person carry either your disowned self or that of your partner? You can actually use this attraction as a teacher and either you or your partner can claim the disowned self so that this irresistible attraction becomes more resistible and your primary linkage returns to the relationship.
What does this look like? Perhaps you and your partner have become rather complacent and predictable. Your routine is safe and comfortable because each of you has disowned your spontaneity and wildness. We might expect that someone who is more spontaneous or unpredictable would be very attractive to one or both of you. If you take this attraction as a sign that you need a bit of fresh air and that your lives need a bit of change, you may be able to incorporate this change into your relationship rather than changing relationships.
These missing pieces that we find irresistible in others can be almost anything. Each of us is different. The person who carries this attraction can be a rebel or a conservative, sexual or proper, a professional or a homebody, fiscally responsible or fiscally impulsive, cautious or spontaneous, thoughtful or selfish, powerful or sensitive, passionate or cool, sophisticated or simple. The list goes on forever, but we just wanted to give you a picture of the variety of possibilities.
Think of the people in your life who exert a fascination over you and who pull your energetic linkage toward themselves and away from your partner. What is it that they carry that is missing in you, your partner, or the relationship? How might you bring more balance into your life and into your relationship by including some of this missing energy?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Friends", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
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They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
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Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
07 April 2009
SimonsReflections
: Today’s Reflection is about gifts.
Several years ago, I was going to be away for about a week, and a friend wanted to stay at my place. Given that she was very generous to let me use her guestroom regularly (as I have been traveling to her area monthly for business), I was only delighted to reciprocate and let her use my place.
I came back home after she has already left, and encountered a few surprises. I could live with a dishwasher filled with unwashed dishes, mess at my computer desk (from trying to connect and make work a computer that was phased out and on the way to retirement), and a few other little things of a similar nature. The real problem was that my friend bought me a beautiful little framed picture, as a gift, and hang it on the wall – for me to see.
This last part sent me over the edge.
:: “The nourishment [of giving a gift] flows both ways. When we have fed the gift
:: with our labor and generosity, it grows and feeds us in return. The gift and its
:: bearers share a spirit which is kept alive by its motion among them, and which
:: in turn keeps them both alive.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
I did like the picture; this was not the problem. The problem was the way the gift was given, which I translated as “Here is a gift for you, Simon, and this is how it is to be used – in your place. Let me tell you where to hang it.”
Giving a gift, to me, means relinquishing all control as to how it will be used by the receiver of it. Letting it go, completely. As I am now finishing a 2-week trip, heading home, the whole notion of gifts comes to mind – as I was bringing some with me, and receiving others here. A true gift is one where there are no strings attached. A true gift is measured by its non-material “value” - which is a strange word to use in such context; perhaps “contribution” is a more fitting description of what we experience when we receive something from another. When a true gift is received, it moves one’s heart, revives the soul, delights the senses, and we end up feeling deeply touched.
:: “Gifts do not bring us attachment unless they move us. Manners or social pressure
:: may oblige us to those for whom we feel no true affection, but neither obligation
:: nor civility leads to lasting unions. It is when someone’s gifts stir us that we
:: are brought close, and what moves us, beyond the gift itself, is the promise (or
:: the fact) of transformation, friendship, and love.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
In this way, it almost doesn’t matter what the gift is anyway; what matters is that someone thought of us and chose to gift us with something. And, if the person has no attachment to what I am supposed to do with their gift, then there is also no problem with me passing it along to another; it perishes for the person who gives it away. It does bring in the notion that gifting is a process and a flow, moving the authentic experience of gifting on and on, never stopping, always nourishing and delighting all those involved.
:: “The gift is to the giver, and comes back most to him – it cannot fail...”
:: - Walt Whitman
And, as I write these words, I am thinking that it might be time to take the picture off the wall and gift it on.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
Several years ago, I was going to be away for about a week, and a friend wanted to stay at my place. Given that she was very generous to let me use her guestroom regularly (as I have been traveling to her area monthly for business), I was only delighted to reciprocate and let her use my place.
I came back home after she has already left, and encountered a few surprises. I could live with a dishwasher filled with unwashed dishes, mess at my computer desk (from trying to connect and make work a computer that was phased out and on the way to retirement), and a few other little things of a similar nature. The real problem was that my friend bought me a beautiful little framed picture, as a gift, and hang it on the wall – for me to see.
This last part sent me over the edge.
:: “The nourishment [of giving a gift] flows both ways. When we have fed the gift
:: with our labor and generosity, it grows and feeds us in return. The gift and its
:: bearers share a spirit which is kept alive by its motion among them, and which
:: in turn keeps them both alive.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
I did like the picture; this was not the problem. The problem was the way the gift was given, which I translated as “Here is a gift for you, Simon, and this is how it is to be used – in your place. Let me tell you where to hang it.”
Giving a gift, to me, means relinquishing all control as to how it will be used by the receiver of it. Letting it go, completely. As I am now finishing a 2-week trip, heading home, the whole notion of gifts comes to mind – as I was bringing some with me, and receiving others here. A true gift is one where there are no strings attached. A true gift is measured by its non-material “value” - which is a strange word to use in such context; perhaps “contribution” is a more fitting description of what we experience when we receive something from another. When a true gift is received, it moves one’s heart, revives the soul, delights the senses, and we end up feeling deeply touched.
:: “Gifts do not bring us attachment unless they move us. Manners or social pressure
:: may oblige us to those for whom we feel no true affection, but neither obligation
:: nor civility leads to lasting unions. It is when someone’s gifts stir us that we
:: are brought close, and what moves us, beyond the gift itself, is the promise (or
:: the fact) of transformation, friendship, and love.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
In this way, it almost doesn’t matter what the gift is anyway; what matters is that someone thought of us and chose to gift us with something. And, if the person has no attachment to what I am supposed to do with their gift, then there is also no problem with me passing it along to another; it perishes for the person who gives it away. It does bring in the notion that gifting is a process and a flow, moving the authentic experience of gifting on and on, never stopping, always nourishing and delighting all those involved.
:: “The gift is to the giver, and comes back most to him – it cannot fail...”
:: - Walt Whitman
And, as I write these words, I am thinking that it might be time to take the picture off the wall and gift it on.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
31 March 2009
Simon's Reflections
SimonsReflectionsList-owner@yahoogroups.com
To: list-SimonsReflections
: Today’s Reflection is about a story that crossed my path,
: “The Three Questions” by Leo Tolstoy. And even though it crossed
: my path a long time ago, it is somehow ever more relevant today.
Three Questions - by Leo Tolstoy
One day it occurred to a certain emperor that if he only knew the answers to three questions, he would never stray in any matter.
What is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?
The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.
In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule, consecrating every hour, day, month, and year for certain tasks and then follow the schedule to the letter. Only then could he hope to do every task at the right time.
Another person replied that it was impossible to plan in advance and that the emperor should put all vain amusements aside and remain attentive to everything in order to know what to do at what time.
Someone else insisted that, by himself, the emperor could never hope to have all the foresight and competence necessary to decide when to do each and every task and what he really needed was to set up a Council of the Wise and then to act according to their advice.
Someone else said that certain matters required immediate decision and could not wait for consultation, but if he wanted to know in advance what was going to happen he should consult magicians and soothsayers.
The responses to the second question also lacked accord.
One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors.
The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.
The emperor was not pleased with any of the answers, and no reward was given.
After several nights of reflection, the emperor resolved to visit a hermit who lived up on the mountain and was said to be an enlightened man. The emperor wished to find the hermit to ask him the three questions, though he knew the hermit never left the mountains and was known to receive only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with persons of wealth or power. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his attendants to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed the slope alone to seek the hermit.
Reaching the holy man's dwelling place, the emperor found the hermit digging a garden in front of his hut. When the hermit saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him. He was an old man, and each time he thrust his spade into the ground to turn the earth, he heaved heavily.
The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?"
The hermit listened attentively but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The hermit thanked him, handed the emperor the spade, and then sat down on the ground to rest.
After he had dug two rows, the emperor stopped and turned to the hermit and repeated his three questions. The hermit still did not answer, but instead stood up and pointed to the spade and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor continued to dig. One hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor put down the spade and said to the hermit, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."
The hermit lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you hear someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head. They both saw a man with a long white beard emerge from the woods. He ran wildly, pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground, where he lay groaning. Opening the man's clothing, the emperor and hermit saw that the man had received a deep gash. The emperor cleaned the wound thoroughly and then used his own shirt to bandage it, but the blood completely soaked it within minutes. He rinsed the shirt out and bandaged the wound a second time and continued to do so until the flow of blood had stopped.
At last the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for a drink of water. The emperor ran down to the stream and brought back a jug of fresh water. Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The hermit gave the emperor a hand in carrying the man into the hut where they laid him down on the hermit's bed. The man closed his eyes and lay quietly. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden. Leaning against the doorway, he fell asleep. When he rose, the sun had already risen over the mountain. For a moment he forgot where he was and what he had come here for. He looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man also looking around him in confusion. When he saw the emperor, he stared at him intently and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."
"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.
"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your sworn enemy, and I had vowed to take vengeance on you, for during the last war you killed my brother and seized my property. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the hermit, I resolved to surprise you on your way back to kill you. But after waiting a long time there was still no sign of you, and so I left my ambush in order to seek you out. But instead of finding you, I came across your attendants, who recognized me, giving me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful beyond words. If I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life, and I will bid my children and grandchildren to do the same. Please grant me your forgiveness."
The emperor was overjoyed to see that he was so easily reconciled with a former enemy. He not only forgave the man but promised to return all the man's property and to send his own physician and servants to wait on the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his attendants to take the man home, the emperor returned to see the hermit. Before returning to the palace the emperor wanted to repeat his three questions one last time. He found the hermit sowing seeds in the earth they had dug the day before.
The hermit stood up and looked at the emperor. "But your questions have already been answered."
"How's that?" the emperor asked, puzzled.
"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with digging these beds, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Then you would have deeply regretted not staying with me. Therefore the most important time was the time you were digging in the beds, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you spent dressing his wound, for if you had not cared for him he would have died and you would have lost the chance to be reconciled with him. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of his wound. Remember that there is only one important time and is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. Th
:: To live deeper, we have to go to the places that help us find a slower
:: rhythm. But simply going to these places is not enough. We have to let
:: these places touch us, change us, speak to us.”
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
To: list-SimonsReflections
: Today’s Reflection is about a story that crossed my path,
: “The Three Questions” by Leo Tolstoy. And even though it crossed
: my path a long time ago, it is somehow ever more relevant today.
Three Questions - by Leo Tolstoy
One day it occurred to a certain emperor that if he only knew the answers to three questions, he would never stray in any matter.
What is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?
The emperor issued a decree throughout his kingdom announcing that whoever could answer the questions would receive a great reward. Many who read the decree made their way to the palace at once, each person with a different answer.
In reply to the first question, one person advised that the emperor make up a thorough time schedule, consecrating every hour, day, month, and year for certain tasks and then follow the schedule to the letter. Only then could he hope to do every task at the right time.
Another person replied that it was impossible to plan in advance and that the emperor should put all vain amusements aside and remain attentive to everything in order to know what to do at what time.
Someone else insisted that, by himself, the emperor could never hope to have all the foresight and competence necessary to decide when to do each and every task and what he really needed was to set up a Council of the Wise and then to act according to their advice.
Someone else said that certain matters required immediate decision and could not wait for consultation, but if he wanted to know in advance what was going to happen he should consult magicians and soothsayers.
The responses to the second question also lacked accord.
One person said that the emperor needed to place all his trust in administrators, another urged reliance on priests and monks, while others recommended physicians. Still others put their faith in warriors.
The third question drew a similar variety of answers. Some said science was the most important pursuit. Others insisted on religion. Yet others claimed the most important thing was military skill.
The emperor was not pleased with any of the answers, and no reward was given.
After several nights of reflection, the emperor resolved to visit a hermit who lived up on the mountain and was said to be an enlightened man. The emperor wished to find the hermit to ask him the three questions, though he knew the hermit never left the mountains and was known to receive only the poor, refusing to have anything to do with persons of wealth or power. So the emperor disguised himself as a simple peasant and ordered his attendants to wait for him at the foot of the mountain while he climbed the slope alone to seek the hermit.
Reaching the holy man's dwelling place, the emperor found the hermit digging a garden in front of his hut. When the hermit saw the stranger, he nodded his head in greeting and continued to dig. The labor was obviously hard on him. He was an old man, and each time he thrust his spade into the ground to turn the earth, he heaved heavily.
The emperor approached him and said, "I have come here to ask your help with three questions: When is the best time to do each thing? Who are the most important people to work with? What is the most important thing to do at all times?"
The hermit listened attentively but only patted the emperor on the shoulder and continued digging. The emperor said, "You must be tired. Here, let me give you a hand with that." The hermit thanked him, handed the emperor the spade, and then sat down on the ground to rest.
After he had dug two rows, the emperor stopped and turned to the hermit and repeated his three questions. The hermit still did not answer, but instead stood up and pointed to the spade and said, "Why don't you rest now? I can take over again." But the emperor continued to dig. One hour passed, then two. Finally the sun began to set behind the mountain. The emperor put down the spade and said to the hermit, "I came here to ask if you could answer my three questions. But if you can't give me any answer, please let me know so that I can get on may way home."
The hermit lifted his head and asked the emperor, "Do you hear someone running over there?" The emperor turned his head. They both saw a man with a long white beard emerge from the woods. He ran wildly, pressing his hands against a bloody wound in his stomach. The man ran toward the emperor before falling unconscious to the ground, where he lay groaning. Opening the man's clothing, the emperor and hermit saw that the man had received a deep gash. The emperor cleaned the wound thoroughly and then used his own shirt to bandage it, but the blood completely soaked it within minutes. He rinsed the shirt out and bandaged the wound a second time and continued to do so until the flow of blood had stopped.
At last the wounded man regained consciousness and asked for a drink of water. The emperor ran down to the stream and brought back a jug of fresh water. Meanwhile, the sun had disappeared and the night air had begun to turn cold. The hermit gave the emperor a hand in carrying the man into the hut where they laid him down on the hermit's bed. The man closed his eyes and lay quietly. The emperor was worn out from the long day of climbing the mountain and digging the garden. Leaning against the doorway, he fell asleep. When he rose, the sun had already risen over the mountain. For a moment he forgot where he was and what he had come here for. He looked over to the bed and saw the wounded man also looking around him in confusion. When he saw the emperor, he stared at him intently and then said in a faint whisper, "Please forgive me."
"But what have you done that I should forgive you?" the emperor asked.
"You do not know me, your majesty, but I know you. I was your sworn enemy, and I had vowed to take vengeance on you, for during the last war you killed my brother and seized my property. When I learned that you were coming alone to the mountain to meet the hermit, I resolved to surprise you on your way back to kill you. But after waiting a long time there was still no sign of you, and so I left my ambush in order to seek you out. But instead of finding you, I came across your attendants, who recognized me, giving me this wound. Luckily, I escaped and ran here. If I hadn't met you I would surely be dead by now. I had intended to kill you, but instead you saved my life! I am ashamed and grateful beyond words. If I live, I vow to be your servant for the rest of my life, and I will bid my children and grandchildren to do the same. Please grant me your forgiveness."
The emperor was overjoyed to see that he was so easily reconciled with a former enemy. He not only forgave the man but promised to return all the man's property and to send his own physician and servants to wait on the man until he was completely healed. After ordering his attendants to take the man home, the emperor returned to see the hermit. Before returning to the palace the emperor wanted to repeat his three questions one last time. He found the hermit sowing seeds in the earth they had dug the day before.
The hermit stood up and looked at the emperor. "But your questions have already been answered."
"How's that?" the emperor asked, puzzled.
"Yesterday, if you had not taken pity on my age and given me a hand with digging these beds, you would have been attacked by that man on your way home. Then you would have deeply regretted not staying with me. Therefore the most important time was the time you were digging in the beds, the most important person was myself, and the most important pursuit was to help me. Later, when the wounded man ran up here, the most important time was the time you spent dressing his wound, for if you had not cared for him he would have died and you would have lost the chance to be reconciled with him. Likewise, he was the most important person, and the most important pursuit was taking care of his wound. Remember that there is only one important time and is Now. The present moment is the only time over which we have dominion. The most important person is always the person with whom you are, who is right before you, for who knows if you will have dealings with any other person in the future. Th
:: To live deeper, we have to go to the places that help us find a slower
:: rhythm. But simply going to these places is not enough. We have to let
:: these places touch us, change us, speak to us.”
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
25 March 2009
Voice Dialogue Tips
March 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear Joyce,
This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 2: Work
Our work is very important. It gives us power and money and keeps us safe in the world. It helps us to define ourselves. Hopefully, if we give it enough attention, our work will always be there to support us and we do not have to worry about our work abandoning or divorcing us. Most important, as long as we have our work, we do not have to think very much about our vulnerability. Anything that helps us to deal with our vulnerability, without us having to face it directly, is extremely attractive.
Is it any wonder that many of us develop a primary linkage to our work and relegate our relationship to second place? When we feel vulnerable deep down inside and we do not want to know about it, going to work can make us feel better. At work, we make a difference. We are needed. We are wanted. Here we have mastery, or at least we can work toward mastery. This is extremely reassuring. Life feels safe and structured and our priorities are set for us. We know what is expected and we are able to do the right thing. Add to all this, the fact that we are earning money and contributing to the financial security of both our inner and outer children and you have a total win-win situation.
Unfortunately, the more our linkage is to work, the less energy there is left for relationship. Since the lifeblood of any relationship is linkage, this is not good for the relationship! The tendency to link to work rather than to one's partner is a major challenge to relationship.
Traditionally, men have buried themselves in work when they felt vulnerable or their emotions became too uncomfortable. Now women, too, have this marvelous option available. Many women have learned to drop the linkage in the relationship and shift their energies to their work. When the going gets rough for a two-career couple and each partner has satisfying work, there is a strong temptation for the partners to shift the primary linkage from their relationship to their work. As this happens, each feels abandoned by the other and each links even more intensely to work.
This linkage may be to the work itself, to the clients they serve, or to their coworkers. This linkage is frequently to a particular person at work, an understanding coworker or a particularly supportive assistant. Traditionally it was the man's secretary. This may or may not become a full-blown extramarital relationship.
We find this can be a particularly subtle challenge for people who work together. For instance, it is very easy for the two of us to get so involved in a project that we lose contact with each other. We may both get so interested in our writing that our linkage goes to the book rather than to one another. It may look as though we are still in a relationship because we are both linked to the same object, but we are not. Not really. We are like two oxen yoked to the same cart. We are pulling together and doing a great job, but we have blinders on and we no longer see each other. We just see the road ahead. When this happens, there is a loss of intimacy. We do not feel good and we do not know why.
There are many times in life when being linked to work looks like a natural and necessary move. This is particularly true when there are financial pressures, either real or imagined. One or both partners will deal with this underlying vulnerability in the most seemingly sensible fashion by working harder and earning more money. This is not a problem if the connection between the partners stays strong and intimate. Usually, however, at times like these the truly strong connection switches to work and the partners gradually and unobtrusively drift apart until they are almost like strangers to one another.
Of course, there are times when any of us will feel better at work than at home, but think about it. Over all, where do you feel better, with your partner or with your work?
To deal with this challenge, see what you can do about putting a limit on the amount of time you spend at work or thinking about work. Set boundaries. Try to set realistic time limits that you can meet; for instance, no work or work-related activity between 8:30 P.M. and 7:00 A.M. This will probably be extremely difficult to do at first. To help you do this, keep a notepad with you so that when you have a work-related thought during your off-hours, you can write it down and not think about it until the next work session. For instance, you remember that you should send an E-mail to double check on yesterday's order. Write it down on your notepad and put it away until tomorrow. Otherwise you will probably spend a great deal of time (1) trying not to think this thought and (2) fearing that you will forget to send the E-mail.
The next Challenge to Relationship is titled "Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy" , and will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
For more information on Voice Dialogue, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com
To read previous Voice Dialogue tips, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com/voice-dialogue-tips-archive.htm
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They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
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If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear Joyce,
This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 2: Work
Our work is very important. It gives us power and money and keeps us safe in the world. It helps us to define ourselves. Hopefully, if we give it enough attention, our work will always be there to support us and we do not have to worry about our work abandoning or divorcing us. Most important, as long as we have our work, we do not have to think very much about our vulnerability. Anything that helps us to deal with our vulnerability, without us having to face it directly, is extremely attractive.
Is it any wonder that many of us develop a primary linkage to our work and relegate our relationship to second place? When we feel vulnerable deep down inside and we do not want to know about it, going to work can make us feel better. At work, we make a difference. We are needed. We are wanted. Here we have mastery, or at least we can work toward mastery. This is extremely reassuring. Life feels safe and structured and our priorities are set for us. We know what is expected and we are able to do the right thing. Add to all this, the fact that we are earning money and contributing to the financial security of both our inner and outer children and you have a total win-win situation.
Unfortunately, the more our linkage is to work, the less energy there is left for relationship. Since the lifeblood of any relationship is linkage, this is not good for the relationship! The tendency to link to work rather than to one's partner is a major challenge to relationship.
Traditionally, men have buried themselves in work when they felt vulnerable or their emotions became too uncomfortable. Now women, too, have this marvelous option available. Many women have learned to drop the linkage in the relationship and shift their energies to their work. When the going gets rough for a two-career couple and each partner has satisfying work, there is a strong temptation for the partners to shift the primary linkage from their relationship to their work. As this happens, each feels abandoned by the other and each links even more intensely to work.
This linkage may be to the work itself, to the clients they serve, or to their coworkers. This linkage is frequently to a particular person at work, an understanding coworker or a particularly supportive assistant. Traditionally it was the man's secretary. This may or may not become a full-blown extramarital relationship.
We find this can be a particularly subtle challenge for people who work together. For instance, it is very easy for the two of us to get so involved in a project that we lose contact with each other. We may both get so interested in our writing that our linkage goes to the book rather than to one another. It may look as though we are still in a relationship because we are both linked to the same object, but we are not. Not really. We are like two oxen yoked to the same cart. We are pulling together and doing a great job, but we have blinders on and we no longer see each other. We just see the road ahead. When this happens, there is a loss of intimacy. We do not feel good and we do not know why.
There are many times in life when being linked to work looks like a natural and necessary move. This is particularly true when there are financial pressures, either real or imagined. One or both partners will deal with this underlying vulnerability in the most seemingly sensible fashion by working harder and earning more money. This is not a problem if the connection between the partners stays strong and intimate. Usually, however, at times like these the truly strong connection switches to work and the partners gradually and unobtrusively drift apart until they are almost like strangers to one another.
Of course, there are times when any of us will feel better at work than at home, but think about it. Over all, where do you feel better, with your partner or with your work?
To deal with this challenge, see what you can do about putting a limit on the amount of time you spend at work or thinking about work. Set boundaries. Try to set realistic time limits that you can meet; for instance, no work or work-related activity between 8:30 P.M. and 7:00 A.M. This will probably be extremely difficult to do at first. To help you do this, keep a notepad with you so that when you have a work-related thought during your off-hours, you can write it down and not think about it until the next work session. For instance, you remember that you should send an E-mail to double check on yesterday's order. Write it down on your notepad and put it away until tomorrow. Otherwise you will probably spend a great deal of time (1) trying not to think this thought and (2) fearing that you will forget to send the E-mail.
The next Challenge to Relationship is titled "Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy" , and will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
For more information on Voice Dialogue, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com
To read previous Voice Dialogue tips, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com/voice-dialogue-tips-archive.htm
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at http://www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
27 February 2009
Voice Dialogue Tips
Voice Dialogue Tips
February 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear Joyce,
Welcome to the Voice Dialogue Tips. This month's article is titled:
Using Subpersonalities in Successful Story and Film Script Writing By Michael Domeyko Rowland
Michael Domeyko Rowland is the director and presenter of the 12 part Voice Dialogue Video Series and author of the Screen Story Writing System. I have had many requests for his view on subpersonalities and their place in writing films and books. So I thought I'd send his article out this month, and follow with a continuation of Hal & Sidra's series of articles titled "The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship".
Using Subpersonalities in Successful Story and Film Script Writing
By Michael Domeyko Rowland
Writing film scripts and novels is a job of consciously building a story that can awaken powerful emotions in your audience.
To be really successful at this, it is vital to understand that reading and viewing stories is also the main way that people experience the integration of different selves or subpersonalities.
It is actually the awakening and the integration of previously buried selves in a story character that causes the emotional catharsis in the audience.
This is the real function of story and the secret of writing great works and enjoying huge success.
When a person goes to the movies, or reads a novel, they are quite obviously looking for something. At the surface level it may be just pure entertainment.
But, at a deeper level, they are actually seeking a greater knowledge of how to live.
Unless you are fortunate enough to know about Voice Dialogue, and the brilliant work of Hal and Sidra Stone, your mind will constantly be seeking the means to become whole and make sense of your life.
At a subconscious level, everybody knows that they are made up of many different subpersonalities. In some this insight is conscious. But for the majority of people it is a mystery. They have no idea that this is how their mind operates.
They believe they are a singular being, and that they are limited to whatever modes of expression they have at the surface of their mind.
Most feel deeply that they could be far more than they actually are, and express themselves in many more ways than they do. But they have no idea how to do it. And, as each year passes, they feel the opportunity slipping away.
So they are driven to do something about this sense of lack.
The way that society has evolved is that stories are offered as the solution. Good ones actually are a solution. The not so good are a sedative for this problem.
When you read a book, or go to a movie, you identify with the lead character, who is known as the protagonist. Your consciousness slips away, as you fall into the story, and your identification with the protagonist allows you to be drawn deeply into a subconscious state and join in with the adventure, or drama, that the protagonist is undergoing.
The more well written the story, the more the audience can identify with the protagonist. Well written means the ability to cause a catharsis, or flood of emotions in the audience.
If a story can do this, then it will become an immediate success. We only have to look at ‘Slumdog Millionaire' to see the power of a story's emotions to take a film to unimaginable heights.
What is most interesting, about a great story, is that the protagonist goes through a transformational arc. In other words they begin with a lack in their character and, by the end of the story, they have solved this by adding an extra subpersonality to their primary self structure.
If they do not do this, and remain the same person at the end of the story, as they were at the beginning, then the audience receive no experience of transformation.
So a protagonist might start off without, say, the courage to take responsibility for their family. By the end of the story, after the specific dramatic events have taken place, they have added the characteristics of courage and responsibility to their primary selves. They have awoken and integrated the selves of courage and responsibility.
As the audience is identified with the protagonist in a great story, the experience the protagonist goes through, of integration of an additional sub personality, is also experienced by the audience.
For a person reading a book or watching a movie, this shared journey of awakening and expressing an additional self or selves, satisfies that basic need of becoming more than they are in their present-day life. This is the function of story catharsis.
Another way of saying this is giving birth to those characteristics or selves that have not had the opportunity of expression before.
This experience draws an audience member out of themselves and increases their energy. They have a sense of fulfilment and happiness they did not have at the beginning of the story. They feel renewed.
After all emotion is e-motion or energy in motion. The great story has caused more energy to flow through them, because something has been unlocked in their psyche.
In fact, the secret of writing successful stories is to realise that people are constantly looking to awaken and integrate more of their selves. So, it is vital to ensure that when you write, you specifically aim your story to give them that experience, through the creation of an emotional catharsis and integration of more selves.
For information on Michael Rowland's writing course, please go to: www.screenstorywriting.com or email him to: info@screenstorywriting.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at http://www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
To remove yourself from future mailing, click the link below.
Unsubscribe
February 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear Joyce,
Welcome to the Voice Dialogue Tips. This month's article is titled:
Using Subpersonalities in Successful Story and Film Script Writing By Michael Domeyko Rowland
Michael Domeyko Rowland is the director and presenter of the 12 part Voice Dialogue Video Series and author of the Screen Story Writing System. I have had many requests for his view on subpersonalities and their place in writing films and books. So I thought I'd send his article out this month, and follow with a continuation of Hal & Sidra's series of articles titled "The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship".
Using Subpersonalities in Successful Story and Film Script Writing
By Michael Domeyko Rowland
Writing film scripts and novels is a job of consciously building a story that can awaken powerful emotions in your audience.
To be really successful at this, it is vital to understand that reading and viewing stories is also the main way that people experience the integration of different selves or subpersonalities.
It is actually the awakening and the integration of previously buried selves in a story character that causes the emotional catharsis in the audience.
This is the real function of story and the secret of writing great works and enjoying huge success.
When a person goes to the movies, or reads a novel, they are quite obviously looking for something. At the surface level it may be just pure entertainment.
But, at a deeper level, they are actually seeking a greater knowledge of how to live.
Unless you are fortunate enough to know about Voice Dialogue, and the brilliant work of Hal and Sidra Stone, your mind will constantly be seeking the means to become whole and make sense of your life.
At a subconscious level, everybody knows that they are made up of many different subpersonalities. In some this insight is conscious. But for the majority of people it is a mystery. They have no idea that this is how their mind operates.
They believe they are a singular being, and that they are limited to whatever modes of expression they have at the surface of their mind.
Most feel deeply that they could be far more than they actually are, and express themselves in many more ways than they do. But they have no idea how to do it. And, as each year passes, they feel the opportunity slipping away.
So they are driven to do something about this sense of lack.
The way that society has evolved is that stories are offered as the solution. Good ones actually are a solution. The not so good are a sedative for this problem.
When you read a book, or go to a movie, you identify with the lead character, who is known as the protagonist. Your consciousness slips away, as you fall into the story, and your identification with the protagonist allows you to be drawn deeply into a subconscious state and join in with the adventure, or drama, that the protagonist is undergoing.
The more well written the story, the more the audience can identify with the protagonist. Well written means the ability to cause a catharsis, or flood of emotions in the audience.
If a story can do this, then it will become an immediate success. We only have to look at ‘Slumdog Millionaire' to see the power of a story's emotions to take a film to unimaginable heights.
What is most interesting, about a great story, is that the protagonist goes through a transformational arc. In other words they begin with a lack in their character and, by the end of the story, they have solved this by adding an extra subpersonality to their primary self structure.
If they do not do this, and remain the same person at the end of the story, as they were at the beginning, then the audience receive no experience of transformation.
So a protagonist might start off without, say, the courage to take responsibility for their family. By the end of the story, after the specific dramatic events have taken place, they have added the characteristics of courage and responsibility to their primary selves. They have awoken and integrated the selves of courage and responsibility.
As the audience is identified with the protagonist in a great story, the experience the protagonist goes through, of integration of an additional sub personality, is also experienced by the audience.
For a person reading a book or watching a movie, this shared journey of awakening and expressing an additional self or selves, satisfies that basic need of becoming more than they are in their present-day life. This is the function of story catharsis.
Another way of saying this is giving birth to those characteristics or selves that have not had the opportunity of expression before.
This experience draws an audience member out of themselves and increases their energy. They have a sense of fulfilment and happiness they did not have at the beginning of the story. They feel renewed.
After all emotion is e-motion or energy in motion. The great story has caused more energy to flow through them, because something has been unlocked in their psyche.
In fact, the secret of writing successful stories is to realise that people are constantly looking to awaken and integrate more of their selves. So, it is vital to ensure that when you write, you specifically aim your story to give them that experience, through the creation of an emotional catharsis and integration of more selves.
For information on Michael Rowland's writing course, please go to: www.screenstorywriting.com or email him to: info@screenstorywriting.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at http://www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
To remove yourself from future mailing, click the link below.
Unsubscribe
26 February 2009
Simon's Reflections
: Today’s Reflection is about a poem that feels very relevant
: to my life right now. Perhaps to yours too, even though the
: reasons might not be the same.
In that first
hardly noticed
moment
to which you wake,
coming back
to this life
from the other
more secret,
moveable
and frighteningly
honest
world
where everything
began,
there is a small
opening
into the new day
which closes
the moment
you begin
your plans.
What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.
What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.
To be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others.
To remember
the other world
in this world
is to live in your
true inheritance.
You are not
a troubled guest
on this earth,
you are not
an accident
amidst other accidents
you were invited
from another and greater
night
than the one
from which
you have just emerged.
Now, looking through
the slanting light
of the morning
window toward
the mountain
presence
of everything
that can be,
what urgency
calls you to your
one love? What shape
waits in the seed
of you to grow
and spread
its branches
against a future sky?
Is it waiting
in the fertile sea?
In the trees
beyond the house?
In the life
you can imagine
for yourself?
In the open
and lovely
white page
on the waiting desk?
- David Whyte
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
__._,_.___
: to my life right now. Perhaps to yours too, even though the
: reasons might not be the same.
In that first
hardly noticed
moment
to which you wake,
coming back
to this life
from the other
more secret,
moveable
and frighteningly
honest
world
where everything
began,
there is a small
opening
into the new day
which closes
the moment
you begin
your plans.
What you can plan
is too small
for you to live.
What you can live
wholeheartedly
will make plans
enough
for the vitality
hidden in your sleep.
To be human
is to become visible
while carrying
what is hidden
as a gift to others.
To remember
the other world
in this world
is to live in your
true inheritance.
You are not
a troubled guest
on this earth,
you are not
an accident
amidst other accidents
you were invited
from another and greater
night
than the one
from which
you have just emerged.
Now, looking through
the slanting light
of the morning
window toward
the mountain
presence
of everything
that can be,
what urgency
calls you to your
one love? What shape
waits in the seed
of you to grow
and spread
its branches
against a future sky?
Is it waiting
in the fertile sea?
In the trees
beyond the house?
In the life
you can imagine
for yourself?
In the open
and lovely
white page
on the waiting desk?
- David Whyte
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
__._,_.___
17 January 2009
Voice Dialogue Tips
Voice Dialogue Tips
January 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear shadowbear,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. The month's article is the first in a series titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
2. Are You Interested in Writing Novels or Screenplays as a Lucrative Career?
Discover how Successful Story Writing is based on Subpersonalities (See article below)
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
The basic requirement for the care and feeding of a relationship is this: Partners must make the linkage — or connection — between them a priority in their lives.
There are many challenges to relationship, some of them come from outside of us and some come from within. We are going to show you the top ten challenges so that you can recognize them and do something about them. Meeting these challenges takes commitment, time, and effort. But a good relationship is well worth this effort and, we might point out, a great deal of this effort can be fun.
There is one very simple principle to keep in mind. The basic requirement for the care and feeding of a relationship is this: Partners must make the linkage — or connection — between them a priority in their lives. If they do so, the relationship will flourish. Anything that disrupts this linkage will disrupt their relationship.
Even the most devoted of partners will have interests other than their relationships and they will form attachments and linkages elsewhere. This is an important part of life. However, if your primary linkage in life shifts away from your partner and remains elsewhere, it is likely to prove fatal to your relationship.
There is a great deal of competition for our attention. All of us have a great many distractions in our lives and we do not have to go far to find something that will divert our attention from our partners. We will describe the ten major distractions that we have seen over the years. At the end of each of these, we will give you a chance to answer the question: Where is your primary linkage? You can use these questions to look at your own relationship to determine which among these are your major challenges.
Challenge 1: Television
Most homes have a television set. Actually, many homes have more than one so that each family member has a set all to his or her own. This is a very compelling distraction. Television sets and television programs are designed to attract us and keep our attention. That is their goal. The entire industry is based upon linking us irrevocably to the TV set. They seduce us with the weekly shows, the news, the stock market, our favorite ball team, the Olympics, the latest scandal, our favorite soap opera, that special program we cannot miss. Others among us are seduced by the sheer power inherent in the remote control. We are in charge! We can do or watch whatever we like, whenever we like. We can change stations to our hearts content without anybody scolding us. We are not forced to finish anything.
In addition to this seductive quality of television, there is its lack of confrontation and complication. It essentially complements your every mood and gives you whatever you want, whenever you want it. After all, has your TV ever made demands on you? Has it ever been disappointed in you? Has it ever criticized you? Has it made you feel vulnerable? Does it pressure you to finish anything? Does it frighten you or make you feel insecure? Do its feelings get hurt? Does it ever disagree with you? In short, there is no way that a TV set makes you as uncomfortable as your partner can!
Is it any wonder that we frequently find partners spending a great deal more time linked energetically to the TV than to one another?
Think about it! Are you more attached to your TV than to your partner? Which would you rather do without?
If you would rather do without your partner, it seems safe to say that something is missing in your relationship. We find that one of the first things to disappear in a relationship is time together. Both partners get so busy that they forget each other. Life today is difficult and demanding. People are usually so overworked, overstressed, or exhausted that when they do have a moment, they drop into a comfortable chair and watch TV. It takes real effort to stay on your feet and do something different.
The next Challenges to Relationship will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
For more information on Voice Dialogue, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com
2. WRITING: Become a Successful Story and Screenwriter
Story and Screenwriting is the fastest way to generate extra income, in an enjoyable way
that allows you to use your interest in subpersonalities and self development.
SPECIAL OFFER: RECEIVE THE FIRST LESSON FREE!
2.
from Michael Domeyko Rowland,
presenter, director and writer of the Voice Dialogue Series .
This Brand New writing course reveals extraordinary information of why people read stories and go to see films.
You will discover that real writing is designed to allow the audience to experience personal integration of various subpersonalities during their reading and viewing. Very few know how to do this, now you can be one of them.
Writing is an incredibly fulfilling activity and without doubt the most creative outlet for anyone interested in the personality and exploring the deeper parts of the mind. As you write, you will reveal your own inner being and discover all sorts of things about yourself that you would never find in any other way.
Writing for the screen or the page is a fascinating and amazing experience, when approached in the right way. It is also the fastest way to generate a very large income, with royalties that can pay off for the rest of your life.
Most people make the mistake of writing from the conscious mind. The conscious mind can only ever come up with clichés, because it is not the source of originality and creativity. It is vital for editing, but not for creation. Many also make the mistake of not understanding the true function of story for an audience, which is to raise their level of consciousness.
Deep within your mind you have an unlimited resource, a realm of undiscovered subpersonalities, which only the greatest writers know about. This resource is called the Mythopoetica. It is the realm of your superconscious mind. It holds the ability to create any story whatsoever.
This is the part of your mind that also creates all your dreams. It is also the part of your mind that will bring into your consciousness the most inspiring, interesting and amazing stories you can imagine.
If you are interested in discovering the complete structural system, used by the world's finest story and screenwriters to guarantee that they have a professional and saleable story, as well as how to write directly from your superconscious, then please email me and I will send you a link for the first lesson absolutely FREE, along with an ebrochure about a web distributed writing course. You will be able to download a forty five minute audio lesson as an MP3, as well as a PDF of each lesson. You can then study the material at your leisure.
The integration of classic structure and the superconscious is what makes this course unique.
Email to: info@lifeact.com and put ‘Writing' in the subject line.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at http://www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
January 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: http://www.bodymindinformation.com
Dear shadowbear,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. The month's article is the first in a series titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
2. Are You Interested in Writing Novels or Screenplays as a Lucrative Career?
Discover how Successful Story Writing is based on Subpersonalities (See article below)
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
The basic requirement for the care and feeding of a relationship is this: Partners must make the linkage — or connection — between them a priority in their lives.
There are many challenges to relationship, some of them come from outside of us and some come from within. We are going to show you the top ten challenges so that you can recognize them and do something about them. Meeting these challenges takes commitment, time, and effort. But a good relationship is well worth this effort and, we might point out, a great deal of this effort can be fun.
There is one very simple principle to keep in mind. The basic requirement for the care and feeding of a relationship is this: Partners must make the linkage — or connection — between them a priority in their lives. If they do so, the relationship will flourish. Anything that disrupts this linkage will disrupt their relationship.
Even the most devoted of partners will have interests other than their relationships and they will form attachments and linkages elsewhere. This is an important part of life. However, if your primary linkage in life shifts away from your partner and remains elsewhere, it is likely to prove fatal to your relationship.
There is a great deal of competition for our attention. All of us have a great many distractions in our lives and we do not have to go far to find something that will divert our attention from our partners. We will describe the ten major distractions that we have seen over the years. At the end of each of these, we will give you a chance to answer the question: Where is your primary linkage? You can use these questions to look at your own relationship to determine which among these are your major challenges.
Challenge 1: Television
Most homes have a television set. Actually, many homes have more than one so that each family member has a set all to his or her own. This is a very compelling distraction. Television sets and television programs are designed to attract us and keep our attention. That is their goal. The entire industry is based upon linking us irrevocably to the TV set. They seduce us with the weekly shows, the news, the stock market, our favorite ball team, the Olympics, the latest scandal, our favorite soap opera, that special program we cannot miss. Others among us are seduced by the sheer power inherent in the remote control. We are in charge! We can do or watch whatever we like, whenever we like. We can change stations to our hearts content without anybody scolding us. We are not forced to finish anything.
In addition to this seductive quality of television, there is its lack of confrontation and complication. It essentially complements your every mood and gives you whatever you want, whenever you want it. After all, has your TV ever made demands on you? Has it ever been disappointed in you? Has it ever criticized you? Has it made you feel vulnerable? Does it pressure you to finish anything? Does it frighten you or make you feel insecure? Do its feelings get hurt? Does it ever disagree with you? In short, there is no way that a TV set makes you as uncomfortable as your partner can!
Is it any wonder that we frequently find partners spending a great deal more time linked energetically to the TV than to one another?
Think about it! Are you more attached to your TV than to your partner? Which would you rather do without?
If you would rather do without your partner, it seems safe to say that something is missing in your relationship. We find that one of the first things to disappear in a relationship is time together. Both partners get so busy that they forget each other. Life today is difficult and demanding. People are usually so overworked, overstressed, or exhausted that when they do have a moment, they drop into a comfortable chair and watch TV. It takes real effort to stay on your feet and do something different.
The next Challenges to Relationship will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
For more information on Voice Dialogue, visit http://www.bodymindinformation.com
2. WRITING: Become a Successful Story and Screenwriter
Story and Screenwriting is the fastest way to generate extra income, in an enjoyable way
that allows you to use your interest in subpersonalities and self development.
SPECIAL OFFER: RECEIVE THE FIRST LESSON FREE!
2.
from Michael Domeyko Rowland,
presenter, director and writer of the Voice Dialogue Series .
This Brand New writing course reveals extraordinary information of why people read stories and go to see films.
You will discover that real writing is designed to allow the audience to experience personal integration of various subpersonalities during their reading and viewing. Very few know how to do this, now you can be one of them.
Writing is an incredibly fulfilling activity and without doubt the most creative outlet for anyone interested in the personality and exploring the deeper parts of the mind. As you write, you will reveal your own inner being and discover all sorts of things about yourself that you would never find in any other way.
Writing for the screen or the page is a fascinating and amazing experience, when approached in the right way. It is also the fastest way to generate a very large income, with royalties that can pay off for the rest of your life.
Most people make the mistake of writing from the conscious mind. The conscious mind can only ever come up with clichés, because it is not the source of originality and creativity. It is vital for editing, but not for creation. Many also make the mistake of not understanding the true function of story for an audience, which is to raise their level of consciousness.
Deep within your mind you have an unlimited resource, a realm of undiscovered subpersonalities, which only the greatest writers know about. This resource is called the Mythopoetica. It is the realm of your superconscious mind. It holds the ability to create any story whatsoever.
This is the part of your mind that also creates all your dreams. It is also the part of your mind that will bring into your consciousness the most inspiring, interesting and amazing stories you can imagine.
If you are interested in discovering the complete structural system, used by the world's finest story and screenwriters to guarantee that they have a professional and saleable story, as well as how to write directly from your superconscious, then please email me and I will send you a link for the first lesson absolutely FREE, along with an ebrochure about a web distributed writing course. You will be able to download a forty five minute audio lesson as an MP3, as well as a PDF of each lesson. You can then study the material at your leisure.
The integration of classic structure and the superconscious is what makes this course unique.
Email to: info@lifeact.com and put ‘Writing' in the subject line.
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They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site http://www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
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