This one is really weird. It all started with bits and pieces of pictures (thought pictures)thrown in a basket (that is my head) and tossed about until I didn't know what day it nor month or anything that was going on from one moment to another.
My reality was seeing my husband....he seemed to be the one constant (on going item thing or place) that saved me!So ....from the time he left for work to the time he got home I was in termoil....of course I couldn't tell him that!
I started to believe that I this is what "insane!" feels like? I was believing in my own thoughts....and staying in my thoughts not really knowing what was reality.....(even my husband was not making any sense to me anymore). or was I dreaming it all? Obviously I wasn't dreaming !
The mind is very complex. I coudn't find my way around and I couldn't make heads or tails of my life and I was sooooo scared finally I just wanted to die....to be at rest with self is all I wanted...I yes......... I did the worst thing ever..... I ....
Yes I am alive and getting much better. My therapist is guiding me through the termoil that is my mind.
How did it happen?...I was so sane?...I had it all together? I thought I knew what I was doing? Where did I go wrong?
I lost my constant. I call it my constant because I found out that my mind needs something to touch base with. I need this to make sense of what I am doing or what I am going to do next?.
I changed my constant to a place rather then a person. Ihad to learn to take responcibility for my own actions....there also has be a lot of trust and I have very little trust in myself.
