SimonsReflections

: Today’s Reflection is about gifts.

Several years ago, I was going to be away for about a week, and a friend wanted to stay at my place. Given that she was very generous to let me use her guestroom regularly (as I have been traveling to her area monthly for business), I was only delighted to reciprocate and let her use my place.

I came back home after she has already left, and encountered a few surprises. I could live with a dishwasher filled with unwashed dishes, mess at my computer desk (from trying to connect and make work a computer that was phased out and on the way to retirement), and a few other little things of a similar nature. The real problem was that my friend bought me a beautiful little framed picture, as a gift, and hang it on the wall – for me to see.

This last part sent me over the edge.

:: “The nourishment [of giving a gift] flows both ways. When we have fed the gift
:: with our labor and generosity, it grows and feeds us in return. The gift and its
:: bearers share a spirit which is kept alive by its motion among them, and which
:: in turn keeps them both alive.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”

I did like the picture; this was not the problem. The problem was the way the gift was given, which I translated as “Here is a gift for you, Simon, and this is how it is to be used – in your place. Let me tell you where to hang it.”

Giving a gift, to me, means relinquishing all control as to how it will be used by the receiver of it. Letting it go, completely. As I am now finishing a 2-week trip, heading home, the whole notion of gifts comes to mind – as I was bringing some with me, and receiving others here. A true gift is one where there are no strings attached. A true gift is measured by its non-material “value” - which is a strange word to use in such context; perhaps “contribution” is a more fitting description of what we experience when we receive something from another. When a true gift is received, it moves one’s heart, revives the soul, delights the senses, and we end up feeling deeply touched.

:: “Gifts do not bring us attachment unless they move us. Manners or social pressure
:: may oblige us to those for whom we feel no true affection, but neither obligation
:: nor civility leads to lasting unions. It is when someone’s gifts stir us that we
:: are brought close, and what moves us, beyond the gift itself, is the promise (or
:: the fact) of transformation, friendship, and love.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”

In this way, it almost doesn’t matter what the gift is anyway; what matters is that someone thought of us and chose to gift us with something. And, if the person has no attachment to what I am supposed to do with their gift, then there is also no problem with me passing it along to another; it perishes for the person who gives it away. It does bring in the notion that gifting is a process and a flow, moving the authentic experience of gifting on and on, never stopping, always nourishing and delighting all those involved.

:: “The gift is to the giver, and comes back most to him – it cannot fail...”
:: - Walt Whitman

And, as I write these words, I am thinking that it might be time to take the picture off the wall and gift it on.


A sunny week to you all, inside and out.


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Simon

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