28 April 2009
Simon's Reflections
: Today’s Reflection is about taking action. Or not.
Margaret Wheatley tells the story that happened sometime in the 70ies in Gdansk, Poland. There, about a dozen workers started a conversation about the tough and inhumane working conditions in the shipyards, and about what might it look like if things were different. The conversation spread, and within a month, about One Million people were engaged. They closed the shipyards and effectively shut down the country. The Solidarity movement was born. It is important to note that this was time before the internet, cell pones, and text messages. Yes, there was such a time.
In a way, the story of this Reflection is telling of the topic itself. I have been sitting on it for a week, planning and thinking and wanting to write and complete it. And it somehow didn’t happen. Flu. Unexpected meetings. A fireplace that needs to be replaced. Another something. And then one more. Somehow, something managed to get in the way, squeeze itself ahead of the to-do line, and grab my attention. Not that it was that important, when I think of the things I really wanted to do.
:: “To be hopeful in bad times is not just foolishly romantic. It is based on the
:: fact that human history is a history not only of cruelty, but also of compassion,
:: sacrifice, courage, kindness. What we choose to emphasize in this complex
:: history will determine our lives. If we see only the worst, it destroys our
:: capacity to do something. If we remember those times and places -- and there
:: are so many -- where people have behaved magnificently, this gives us the
:: energy to act, and at least the possibility of sending this spinning top of a
:: world in a different direction. And if we do act, in however a small way, we
:: don’t have to wait for some grand utopian future. The future is an infinite
:: succession of presents, and to live now as we think human beings should live,
:: in defiance of all that is bad around us, is itself a marvelous victory.”
:: - Howard Zinn
For instance, the elections in British Columbia are coming up. I love this province and care about it; I also care about the fact that the current government and Gordon Campbell are planning things that will unequivocally ruin the future here. For instance, by selling all our rivers and the power they will generate to private companies, mostly from the US, which (based on NAFTA) once we do, we will never be able to get back; the following clip portrays the specifics of this so-called plan: http://saveourrivers.tv/powerplay_player5.html . While the solution proposed there is not much better (the BC Greens are the only ones with any long-term viable alternative), but at least we will still have BC Hydro and our Canadian control over our natural resources. So I wanted to do something about it.
Another thing I care about is my health and wellness, and the ability to have easy access to alternative and natural medicine. Well, there is Bill C-6, which is the old Bill C-51 and C-52 – with a new name. While it has a fancy name of Consumer Protection Act, one should not be misled by the name. There is a beautiful and very informative clip ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X7_0HlCwb8A ) which explains what it can really do – and it is Bad. Really Bad. Here too, I wanted to do something, because, hey, I care and I can.
Yet, somehow, everything else was urgent. Or felt as such.
:: “The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.” - Einstein
I keep thinking about a simple little matrix of categories, of urgent/important/non-urgent/non-important categories, in all its variations. It seems that my attention often floats towards the the urgent & non-important, at the expense of the things I really need to be focusing on – the non-urgent & important. And I wonder about how, and when, will I learn the difference, and how will I make it work in my life. I don’t think I know it yet...
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
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25 April 2009
Voice Dialogue
Voice Dialogue Tips
April 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Joyce,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 3: Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy.
2. We also have a new video on You Tube, a snippet from Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue DVD Series, which is about Dreams. To watch this video, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 3:
Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy
There was a period in the late 1960s and early 1970s when people realized that they could not expect a single romantic or sexual relationship to meet all their needs. This was a reaction against earlier over idealized expectations of marriages “made in heaven” and dreams of “happily ever after” when all that was needed was one Cinderella and one Prince Charming. It was a time of cultural revolution during which there was a good deal of experimentation with extramarital relationships and deep extramarital friendships.
Quite often this worked beautifully for a while. Each partner felt more alive and fulfilled. They brought back new energy to the primary relationship and the linkage between the partners intensified. But what we noticed during those years was that, sooner or later, the linkage between the partners began to dissipate as the linkage to outsiders increased in intensity. Most of the time the primary linkage finally shifted from the partner to someone else.
As normal, ordinary human beings, we can expect to feel attractions to people other than our partners. This is totally natural. It just means that we are alive and that our hormones are functioning properly . There is a great deal to be learned from these attractions if we do not panic about them or feel too guilty.
There was definitely a kernel of truth in the thinking of the sixties and seventies. One person does not hold everything; therefore one relationship cannot hold everything. We have our primary selves and we have our disowned selves. In our relationships there are selves that are acceptable or primary and others that both partners disown.
If you think about what we said earlier regarding disowned selves (see chapter 2), you get the picture of what happens in relationship. Our disowned selves, and the disowned selves of our partners, are the selves that we find fascinating in others. These are the selves that exert the fatal attractions that cause us to drop the linkage to our partners and develop a primary linkage elsewhere . This linkage does not have to become sexual in order to challenge the relationship. It just needs to be primary.
Sometimes this is not even a linkage to an actual person, sexual or otherwise. Sometimes it is a preoccupation with a fantasy. One of the partners develops a strong fantasy life and disappears into it. This can be a fantasy about another person, about an imagined person, or a fantasy about a different kind of life. The primary linkage shifts from the relationship or the partnering to this fantasy or this fantasy character. For some people, this can be as strong an involvement as an involvement with another person and it can disrupt the linkage between partners as much as an actual affair. Just as in an actual affair, the primary linkage has been shifted. Here, the primary linkage is to the fantasy rather than to the partner. Where does this linkage go? Just as in an affair or an attraction, the linkage is always to a person or a situation that is carrying a disowned self.
What can be done to reestablish the linkage within the partnership? If you follow our thinking, look for the disowned selves that are operating. What is it that is irresistible about this person who is not your partner? Where does this person carry either your disowned self or that of your partner? You can actually use this attraction as a teacher and either you or your partner can claim the disowned self so that this irresistible attraction becomes more resistible and your primary linkage returns to the relationship.
What does this look like? Perhaps you and your partner have become rather complacent and predictable. Your routine is safe and comfortable because each of you has disowned your spontaneity and wildness. We might expect that someone who is more spontaneous or unpredictable would be very attractive to one or both of you. If you take this attraction as a sign that you need a bit of fresh air and that your lives need a bit of change, you may be able to incorporate this change into your relationship rather than changing relationships.
These missing pieces that we find irresistible in others can be almost anything. Each of us is different. The person who carries this attraction can be a rebel or a conservative, sexual or proper, a professional or a homebody, fiscally responsible or fiscally impulsive, cautious or spontaneous, thoughtful or selfish, powerful or sensitive, passionate or cool, sophisticated or simple. The list goes on forever, but we just wanted to give you a picture of the variety of possibilities.
Think of the people in your life who exert a fascination over you and who pull your energetic linkage toward themselves and away from your partner. What is it that they carry that is missing in you, your partner, or the relationship? How might you bring more balance into your life and into your relationship by including some of this missing energy?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Friends", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
April 2009
Email us: jcoroneos@bigpond.com
Web Site: www.bodymindinformation.com
Tell A Friend
Dear Joyce,
Welcome again to Hal & Sidra's Voice Dialogue Tips.
1. This month we continue our series of articles titled " The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship: Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines "
Challenge 3: Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy.
2. We also have a new video on You Tube, a snippet from Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue DVD Series, which is about Dreams. To watch this video, visit http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F8eEXm0MehU
The Top Ten Challenges to Relationship:
Keeping Your Love Alive Amid Life's Routines
(an excerpt from Dr Hal & Sidra Stone's book titled "Partnering")
Challenge 3:
Other Relationships in Fact and Fantasy
There was a period in the late 1960s and early 1970s when people realized that they could not expect a single romantic or sexual relationship to meet all their needs. This was a reaction against earlier over idealized expectations of marriages “made in heaven” and dreams of “happily ever after” when all that was needed was one Cinderella and one Prince Charming. It was a time of cultural revolution during which there was a good deal of experimentation with extramarital relationships and deep extramarital friendships.
Quite often this worked beautifully for a while. Each partner felt more alive and fulfilled. They brought back new energy to the primary relationship and the linkage between the partners intensified. But what we noticed during those years was that, sooner or later, the linkage between the partners began to dissipate as the linkage to outsiders increased in intensity. Most of the time the primary linkage finally shifted from the partner to someone else.
As normal, ordinary human beings, we can expect to feel attractions to people other than our partners. This is totally natural. It just means that we are alive and that our hormones are functioning properly . There is a great deal to be learned from these attractions if we do not panic about them or feel too guilty.
There was definitely a kernel of truth in the thinking of the sixties and seventies. One person does not hold everything; therefore one relationship cannot hold everything. We have our primary selves and we have our disowned selves. In our relationships there are selves that are acceptable or primary and others that both partners disown.
If you think about what we said earlier regarding disowned selves (see chapter 2), you get the picture of what happens in relationship. Our disowned selves, and the disowned selves of our partners, are the selves that we find fascinating in others. These are the selves that exert the fatal attractions that cause us to drop the linkage to our partners and develop a primary linkage elsewhere . This linkage does not have to become sexual in order to challenge the relationship. It just needs to be primary.
Sometimes this is not even a linkage to an actual person, sexual or otherwise. Sometimes it is a preoccupation with a fantasy. One of the partners develops a strong fantasy life and disappears into it. This can be a fantasy about another person, about an imagined person, or a fantasy about a different kind of life. The primary linkage shifts from the relationship or the partnering to this fantasy or this fantasy character. For some people, this can be as strong an involvement as an involvement with another person and it can disrupt the linkage between partners as much as an actual affair. Just as in an actual affair, the primary linkage has been shifted. Here, the primary linkage is to the fantasy rather than to the partner. Where does this linkage go? Just as in an affair or an attraction, the linkage is always to a person or a situation that is carrying a disowned self.
What can be done to reestablish the linkage within the partnership? If you follow our thinking, look for the disowned selves that are operating. What is it that is irresistible about this person who is not your partner? Where does this person carry either your disowned self or that of your partner? You can actually use this attraction as a teacher and either you or your partner can claim the disowned self so that this irresistible attraction becomes more resistible and your primary linkage returns to the relationship.
What does this look like? Perhaps you and your partner have become rather complacent and predictable. Your routine is safe and comfortable because each of you has disowned your spontaneity and wildness. We might expect that someone who is more spontaneous or unpredictable would be very attractive to one or both of you. If you take this attraction as a sign that you need a bit of fresh air and that your lives need a bit of change, you may be able to incorporate this change into your relationship rather than changing relationships.
These missing pieces that we find irresistible in others can be almost anything. Each of us is different. The person who carries this attraction can be a rebel or a conservative, sexual or proper, a professional or a homebody, fiscally responsible or fiscally impulsive, cautious or spontaneous, thoughtful or selfish, powerful or sensitive, passionate or cool, sophisticated or simple. The list goes on forever, but we just wanted to give you a picture of the variety of possibilities.
Think of the people in your life who exert a fascination over you and who pull your energetic linkage toward themselves and away from your partner. What is it that they carry that is missing in you, your partner, or the relationship? How might you bring more balance into your life and into your relationship by including some of this missing energy?
The next Challenge to Relationship titled "Friends", will be presented in upcoming Voice Dialogue Tips.
You can read past tips by clicking here
For more information about Voice Dialogue DVD Series, visit www.bodymindinformation.com
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Send these Voice Dialogue Tips to Friends:
If you would like to send these tips on to any of your friends, please forward them by email. You can also advise your friends at www.bodymindinformation.com/tell-a-friend.php If you are able to help us do this, we would like to thank you by sending you a FREE REPORT titled: Voice Dialogue: A Guide To Great Relationships.
They can also register to receive future copies on our web site, which has a subscriber's panel, or they can email jcoroneos@bigpond.com directly. We will not be giving any of the addresses we receive to anyone else or any other organization. At any point you can stop receiving them - just click on the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this email.
How To Change Your Email details:
If you need to change your email address, the quickest and surest way is this: click the unsubscribe link at the bottom of this page. Then go to the web site www.bodymindinformation.com and resubscribe with your new address. If you find your name spelt incorrectly, or have no name mentioned at the beginning of this letter, then email us on jcoroneos@bigpond.com and we will change it.
Warmly,
Dr John Coroneos
Medical Doctor
Producer of The Voice Dialogue Series
Copyright Wiseone Edutainment P/L
No part of Hal and Sidra's Voice Dialogue tips may be reproduced, in any form, without the written permission of Drs Hal and Sidra Stone except for forwarding an issue, in its entirety and complete with copyright information, to a friend.
07 April 2009
SimonsReflections
: Today’s Reflection is about gifts.
Several years ago, I was going to be away for about a week, and a friend wanted to stay at my place. Given that she was very generous to let me use her guestroom regularly (as I have been traveling to her area monthly for business), I was only delighted to reciprocate and let her use my place.
I came back home after she has already left, and encountered a few surprises. I could live with a dishwasher filled with unwashed dishes, mess at my computer desk (from trying to connect and make work a computer that was phased out and on the way to retirement), and a few other little things of a similar nature. The real problem was that my friend bought me a beautiful little framed picture, as a gift, and hang it on the wall – for me to see.
This last part sent me over the edge.
:: “The nourishment [of giving a gift] flows both ways. When we have fed the gift
:: with our labor and generosity, it grows and feeds us in return. The gift and its
:: bearers share a spirit which is kept alive by its motion among them, and which
:: in turn keeps them both alive.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
I did like the picture; this was not the problem. The problem was the way the gift was given, which I translated as “Here is a gift for you, Simon, and this is how it is to be used – in your place. Let me tell you where to hang it.”
Giving a gift, to me, means relinquishing all control as to how it will be used by the receiver of it. Letting it go, completely. As I am now finishing a 2-week trip, heading home, the whole notion of gifts comes to mind – as I was bringing some with me, and receiving others here. A true gift is one where there are no strings attached. A true gift is measured by its non-material “value” - which is a strange word to use in such context; perhaps “contribution” is a more fitting description of what we experience when we receive something from another. When a true gift is received, it moves one’s heart, revives the soul, delights the senses, and we end up feeling deeply touched.
:: “Gifts do not bring us attachment unless they move us. Manners or social pressure
:: may oblige us to those for whom we feel no true affection, but neither obligation
:: nor civility leads to lasting unions. It is when someone’s gifts stir us that we
:: are brought close, and what moves us, beyond the gift itself, is the promise (or
:: the fact) of transformation, friendship, and love.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
In this way, it almost doesn’t matter what the gift is anyway; what matters is that someone thought of us and chose to gift us with something. And, if the person has no attachment to what I am supposed to do with their gift, then there is also no problem with me passing it along to another; it perishes for the person who gives it away. It does bring in the notion that gifting is a process and a flow, moving the authentic experience of gifting on and on, never stopping, always nourishing and delighting all those involved.
:: “The gift is to the giver, and comes back most to him – it cannot fail...”
:: - Walt Whitman
And, as I write these words, I am thinking that it might be time to take the picture off the wall and gift it on.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
Several years ago, I was going to be away for about a week, and a friend wanted to stay at my place. Given that she was very generous to let me use her guestroom regularly (as I have been traveling to her area monthly for business), I was only delighted to reciprocate and let her use my place.
I came back home after she has already left, and encountered a few surprises. I could live with a dishwasher filled with unwashed dishes, mess at my computer desk (from trying to connect and make work a computer that was phased out and on the way to retirement), and a few other little things of a similar nature. The real problem was that my friend bought me a beautiful little framed picture, as a gift, and hang it on the wall – for me to see.
This last part sent me over the edge.
:: “The nourishment [of giving a gift] flows both ways. When we have fed the gift
:: with our labor and generosity, it grows and feeds us in return. The gift and its
:: bearers share a spirit which is kept alive by its motion among them, and which
:: in turn keeps them both alive.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
I did like the picture; this was not the problem. The problem was the way the gift was given, which I translated as “Here is a gift for you, Simon, and this is how it is to be used – in your place. Let me tell you where to hang it.”
Giving a gift, to me, means relinquishing all control as to how it will be used by the receiver of it. Letting it go, completely. As I am now finishing a 2-week trip, heading home, the whole notion of gifts comes to mind – as I was bringing some with me, and receiving others here. A true gift is one where there are no strings attached. A true gift is measured by its non-material “value” - which is a strange word to use in such context; perhaps “contribution” is a more fitting description of what we experience when we receive something from another. When a true gift is received, it moves one’s heart, revives the soul, delights the senses, and we end up feeling deeply touched.
:: “Gifts do not bring us attachment unless they move us. Manners or social pressure
:: may oblige us to those for whom we feel no true affection, but neither obligation
:: nor civility leads to lasting unions. It is when someone’s gifts stir us that we
:: are brought close, and what moves us, beyond the gift itself, is the promise (or
:: the fact) of transformation, friendship, and love.” - Lewis Hyde, “The Gift”
In this way, it almost doesn’t matter what the gift is anyway; what matters is that someone thought of us and chose to gift us with something. And, if the person has no attachment to what I am supposed to do with their gift, then there is also no problem with me passing it along to another; it perishes for the person who gives it away. It does bring in the notion that gifting is a process and a flow, moving the authentic experience of gifting on and on, never stopping, always nourishing and delighting all those involved.
:: “The gift is to the giver, and comes back most to him – it cannot fail...”
:: - Walt Whitman
And, as I write these words, I am thinking that it might be time to take the picture off the wall and gift it on.
A sunny week to you all, inside and out.
:: Simon’s Reflections newsletter is published on a
:: bi-weekly basis and contains writings that touch
:: the heart, provoke the mind, and inspire action.
:: Your thoughts and comments are always welcome.
Simon
About: http://www.SimonGoland.com
Blog: http://www.SimonGoland.com/news
Archives: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/SimonsReflectionsList
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